May 19, 2014

The S.A.M. Story Part XVII


She tried to push her numerous thoughts out with the music as she drove home, but they kept coming.  Trying to tuck them away was about as effective as trying to tuck four small fidgeting children into the same bed at the same time.  Once one thought was settled another would roll over disrupting the others, so she finally just let them get up and come out, as there was not going to be any silence or break from them until she did.  

Driving was usually a cathartic practice for her, so she decided to go with it, giving her time to contemplate and sort out in the past 24 hours, what had been the life-shifting route she was now headed on.  

If it was possible, he had revealed not only more of himself to her while she was there, but more of herself to her....own self.  Doing what he somehow was magically able to do.  Maybe in his 'toolbox' he surreptitiously possessed "the magic wand".

From early on one of her S.A.M.'s had revealed to him that her heart and wings had been injured to the point of reluctant hesitation, not allowing her heart to get too close to anyone, to be vulnerable again. It was beyond his comprehension how someone could do this to her.  He never knew the details.  Just that he needed to be gentle.  And he was. 

Their situation had been perfect for her as the "space" between them had kept her sheltered in a sense, although through the lines of communication; feelings and emotions had gradually seeped in.  Each day he patiently waited for her, always encouraging her to believe in what he saw in her.  Each day, she was slowly starting to believe and accept.  Her.

Her last thought to put to 'rest' was the undisclosed S.A.M. regarding her health.  She didn't know how she would be able to get through each day without him in her life any longer, so she made the decision to tell him as soon as her surgery was over, and 'let him decide'.  A phrase he would often say to her when she thought she was "protecting" him by withholding information and knowledge.  A phrase that would test her faith in him, affirming if what he had been expressing with his words for the duration of their cyber-ship, would be true to his actions and life.  And to her.  

If paths really do cross for a reason, then perhaps part of his purpose was to teach her that she could have, and be fun again, something they had been able to do together, enlivening so many of her days.  She knew that people are often attracted to a quality in which they are deficient and long ago when life had marched in the Take-Fun-Out-of Life soldiers, she had lost what used to be a big part of who she was.  Her mechanic/soldier/hero had come in (again "fixing" it) and overtaken the adversary with The Funtastics army.  The victory had renewed her laughter and brought joy back into her life.  Something that by not having, had changed her and that she had considerably missed as a positive in her life.  Something he knew she needed back.

And on a more sober level he taught her that she should expect a man to lovingly respect her and not settle for less.  That she deserved that and so much more.  That beauty has many, many definitions not confined to temporal or worldly things.  That she should never have to give the "sales pitch" trying to convince someone why she was worth 'keeping'.  Because to him, she was priceless and irreplaceable!  And most importantly, he had tried to model for her through his actions, that love and commitment meant staying, "in sickness and in health"It meant staying through it all.

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