April 30, 2014

The S.A.M. Story Part IV


Although excited to finally see him, the nervousness escalated as she pulled into his driveway
feeling the rocks beneath her tires wondering if he could hear her coming.  She turned down the music-as if he could really hear it-wanting to surprise him yet inwardly feeling anxious -not wanting to be surprised herself by a possible disapproving gesture if she wasn't what he had expected or remembered. It was similar to watching a recipient open your gift and anticipating their reaction. Her hope of hope was that if he was disappointed, he could at least mask it with a weak smile. 

She inhaled a long, deep breath, exhaling words of self-encouragement as she slowly opened the car door. She could immediately hear music in the still, spring air coming from his home. This helped ease some of her angst as she remembered a S.A.M. he had shared with her. (S.A.M.'s were a game they had invented and played of Something About Me's where something personal was shared to help each of them learn more about the other.) He had shared how he found music to be cathartic for him. Maybe he too was feeling/experiencing some of the same uncertainties that she was-at least she hoped so as to not be alone.

Walking up the porch steps, approaching the front door, she again felt unease. Not having the security of distance and technology between them anymore presented a new dilemma as she wasn't sure how to react when he opened the door. She also realized she had forgotten to breathe as if holding her breath would have any effect on his reaction. 

She knocked and waited. Telling herself she was way beyond the adolescent "shy" years of 'not knowing what to say' did not abate her lack of words-something that usually flowed easily for her.

He opened the door and she sheepishly smiled, slightly tilting her head to the left while simultaneously lifting her shoulder and just said,... "Hi".  He, having anticipated her visit however, was unprepared for her exceptional beauty highlighted by such a small gesture,  causing him to feel a need to divert his eyes from her gaze but not being able to.  Stumbling with words, he ultimately mustered a return ,"Well, hello"; wanting to give her a hug but hesitantly holding back. 

His dog came behind him wearing the now famous collar and as he bent down and quieted it, the spell of apprehension was gone as he invited her in-immediately bringing the same welcoming, warm, hospitality she had admired about him back in the beginning.  And somehow for that moment she forgot to worry that he might be disappointed (although he was anything but) and knew it was all going to be OK .... and worth it. 

April 29, 2014

The S.A.M. Story Part III


Reassurance from him and her 'inner supporter' encouraged her to revisit the site, this time with a renewed and anticipatory elation.  She couldn't believe she was actually on her way to see him "in real life"!  Only this time it was a purposeful meeting for them, not just the meeting of two chance strangers.  

To say she was teenage-giddy as she drove the quiet, lonely, country highway to him-that felt a times much shorter than it was because of the prospect that lay ahead for her-could not begin to explain what all was going on inside her as her whole being was caught up in it.  She sang along jovially, articulating the words loudly to an old CD full of "fun" love songs she had brought along to set the mood, heightening the anticipation for the meeting they had so often discussed through "space".

She had conjured up images and scenes of what it would be like to see him again after half a year of solely cyber communication, not even remembering exactly what he looked like and wondering if he remembered her.  Had she known her heart was going to encounter him again she may have been more aware of it all.  She may have paid more attention.  All she remembered was his welcoming manner and ease in conversation and laughter that he brought.  Something that stood out for her and she would later recall with favor.  

Still she could not help but wonder if mere words that had lured them towards each other would be enough to connect them and keep them together.  Would the longing and want still exist without the safety of spacial detachment?

It was "the kiss"-although "non-physical" then, that moved things to a different level now.  It not only advanced things in the essence of time, but in the desire to bridge space with presence.  Physical presence.  Cravings had strongly influenced and dictated this meeting, leaving the expectancy of unknown, unpredictable, uninhibited emotions and actions "out there".

April 28, 2014

The S.A.M. Story Part II

Part II

His messages became more urgent and full of eagerness to find a way for them to meet in "person" again.  It was an alluring idea at first until she started worrying about all the "what-ifs".  What if age difference mattered , what if height was an issue, what if they weren't compatible, what if they weren't physically attracted to each other?  He seemed too good to be true.  What if this wasn't even real?  

But what if it was, and none of those other things mattered?  Maturity and time had narrowed  her list of "must-haves" in a partner, to the meaningful concerns.  She had come to see through to the heart, past the eyes-only perspective.  In a non-standard way, as appreciation for life and how fast it can change and be gone had given her an incomparable perspective on life and the values in it.  

She would never know unless they gave it a shot.  So it was decided to attempt it, and let the fusing of space between them determine the outcome.  She knew she would be loyal and committed.  He was sure he could provide her what she needed and he wanted her to give him a chance to try.  

As a mechanic, fixing things was his specialty.  He felt equipped to mend the broken wing and heart of an angel that was part of her past; a pre-existing make-up, although he did not know the cause.  She, though timid and nervous about it all, was reluctantly willing to take another chance. And perhaps because of the security of space, it obscured and muddled her legitimate reservations.

April 27, 2014

The S.A.M. Story Part I

"Fiction is a piece of truth that turns lies to meaning." 

Part I

They had met by accident, well, chance really.  She was with a companion who stopped by to see his friend for a quick visit.  It however proved to be just long enough to inadvertently start a friendship that would extend through space and distance, turning by all unofficial definitions into a cyber-ship.  A relationship, except for the initial encounter, formed and bonded through verbiage and "space".

It would have all started and ended that same day except he had a dog collar that needed returning and since she lived in the city where the store was located she volunteered to make the trip and exchange it for him.  That simple gesture would begin a journey of her heart venturing to places not marked for visitation on her vulnerability map.  
 As they corresponded through the unforeseen obstacles of the transaction and successfully completed the drawn out dog collar exchange, neither wanted to end the magic that had started to happen through modern day technology.  Typing and texting one letter at a time, they spent much of their moments transforming ordinary words into extraordinary descriptions of a secret life just waiting to be expressed.

Although on so many levels unrealistic and even improbable, they continued to configure-if only in words-what love would look like in an "us bubble"; too ideal to be true, yet too true to the heart not to be pursued. 

She was able to formulate thoughts, dreams, and ideas, anywhere and anytime; often making it difficult to concentrate on her work at hand.  Sometimes even blurring reality with her fantastical images.  As he contributed, it made it even harder to not be drawn into a life she so longed for but had only experienced vicariously; mostly through movies made to melt a woman's heart.

As the interactions became frequent and consistent, so did the anticipation of advancing to the next level.  The physically-non-physical level, accepted under the circumstance, yet still desirable.  A level mixed with skepticism, uncertainty, and vulnerability.  A level probable to cause concern for one's sanity if ever exposed.  Yet she continued to wait for the change, the sign, that it wasn't insane at all to elevate their climactic future, but possible and even inevitable.  And during an exchange of promise, it happened without notice.

Hard drives and hardware could not keep her from feeling the warmth of his kiss as he moistened her mouth with his, causing her emotions to drown any sensibilities, that what she was experiencing was impossible.  Because for her, every vital sign in her body testified otherwise.

Help Wanted

I have been working on a short story (that keeps growing) and I am going to be posting it here.
For simplicity I am going to call it The S.A.M. Story.

I would like your help by asking for your input in critiquing it please.
Please let me know what to add, subtract, or clarify-thanks!

I will be posting a new part every day or two, so keep an eye out.
I will start this evening.

Although it has been fun writing it, and I would have done it anyway, (and will continue to write) if it is something that can and does appeal to others I would like to know that too!

Thank you!!


April 17, 2014

More Art Work From My Child

This is a picture my son made for his father who likes the "real" Rams but also has bighorn sheep in his hometown. 
The medium for this was watercolors and watercolor pencils.  This and this are oil paintings.
Neither my camera nor me are very good "quality" so I don't do justice to his work, but I hope you get an idea of his talent!

April 13, 2014


My friend and I invented this new game before we were really good friends to help us get to know more about each other.
It helped us a lot because we were not in the same town, so some of the things you learn from just being around someone physically, we didn't have that opportunity to see and learn.

We call it S.A.M.s.
S.A.M. is an acronym for Something About Me.
We share something about ourselves the other doesn't yet know.
It is informative and fun and even insightful, opening up great conversations.

Sometimes what one person shares spurs the other to piggy-back on or add-to something about themselves they might not have thought of before.  
I am surprised how similar I have found myself to be with the other person on some things when we play this game.
Some random examples that might be shared are: The smell of bus exhaust has special memories for me, or I like to sleep with a fan on, or I can't stand sorting socks because I had to do it all by myself for my whole family when I was young, etc.

What I found is that this can work also for estranged loved ones we are reconnecting with.
Or co-workers we are wanting to get to know better.
Or family members around the dinner table as a conversation starter.  (It is also a way to invite teenagers to share when they otherwise might not, making it more comfortable if everyone else is taking a turn....or not....we are talking teenagers....)

The thing about S.A.M.s is that they should only be used for fun and to get to know more about someone.  
They should NEVER be used against someone (ever or communication may be negatively affected) unless you or someone were in some sort of danger and then you should be sharing it with a trusted person or authority.
(But then I wouldn't be calling it a "game" anymore either.)

Although I have known some of my friends since high school there are still things "I never knew..."

A real S.A.M. -     I used to worry that people would not like or read my blog-now I don't care (although I appreciate that people support me!) because I am doing it because it is fun for me!!

What's your S.A.M.?

April 10, 2014

More Of My Child's Art Work

This is a picture my son made for an engineering student.

The symbols have meaning but I have no clue what they are.

What different style from the last picture. 

April 3, 2014

My Child's Artwork

What a better place to display and share some of my child's artwork than here?! 

So he's a big child!  For a mother, no matter the age, they will always be your child....

"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up." ~Pablo Picasso

I am so grateful he never outgrew using and sharing his art! 
Here is/are a picture(s) he was commissioned to do-which he did while he was on a short visit back home. If you like them, please share :)

They are much bigger than they look.
And I am sorry I am also photo shop and photo placement illiterate  but hopefully you get the idea!


"As the sun colors flowers, so does art color life." ~John Lubbock

April 1, 2014

You Are Just A Little Kid....

I was informed by my 6 yr. old friend:
"You don't know these things.  You're just a little kid in an old body."

What she didn't realize is how accurate she was/is.

So many times throughout life my emotional self has felt (and behaved) much younger than my physical self. 
I do feel like I am just a kid at times.
And sometimes I want to be void of the responsibilities of adulthood and  just be a kid too!
Have you ever entertained that idea or acted that way? 
Well, I have... as past posts on this blog can attest to.
(Some things should not be bragged about...) 

Recently, I
have felt like I am in an old body too.
So all in all, maybe I don't know all I thought I did, as she is right-in that on some days-I am just a little kid in an old body.

"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." ~Jennifer Yane

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