S.A.M.s

My friend and I invented this new game before we were really good friends to help us get to know more about each other.
It helped us a lot because we were not in the same town, so some of the things you learn from just being around someone physically, we didn't have that opportunity to see and learn.

We call it S.A.M.s.
S.A.M. is an acronym for Something About Me.
We share something about ourselves the other doesn't yet know.
It is informative and fun and even insightful, opening up great conversations.

Sometimes what one person shares spurs the other to piggy-back on or add-to something about themselves they might not have thought of before.  
I am surprised how similar I have found myself to be with the other person on some things when we play this game.
Some random examples that might be shared are: The smell of bus exhaust has special memories for me, or I like to sleep with a fan on, or I can't stand sorting socks because I had to do it all by myself for my whole family when I was young, etc.

What I found is that this can work also for estranged loved ones we are reconnecting with.
Or co-workers we are wanting to get to know better.
Or family members around the dinner table as a conversation starter.  (It is also a way to invite teenagers to share when they otherwise might not, making it more comfortable if everyone else is taking a turn....or not....we are talking teenagers....)

The thing about S.A.M.s is that they should only be used for fun and to get to know more about someone.  
They should NEVER be used against someone (ever or communication may be negatively affected) unless you or someone were in some sort of danger and then you should be sharing it with a trusted person or authority.
(But then I wouldn't be calling it a "game" anymore either.)

Although I have known some of my friends since high school there are still things "I never knew..."

A real S.A.M. -     I used to worry that people would not like or read my blog-now I don't care (although I appreciate that people support me!) because I am doing it because it is fun for me!!

What's your S.A.M.?

Who is This Teenager in My House and What Did You Do With My Child?

"Mother Nature is providential.  She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers."~William Galvin

 It seems to happen overnight.
The child who was sweet and loving and becoming responsible and capable and who was proud to call you his parent( because he thought you were the best and smartest parent ever) has transformed into someone else.

They are called teenagers.
These are some of their characteristics:

They do not hear as well as they used to. 
At least it seems that way when they are repeating back to you what you previously said.

Usually they are not able or willing to communicate in more than a few short sentences or sounds.
And if for some reason you did not quite hear what they had to say, you will miss out because it will not be repeated.
They become impatient with your inability to hear.


They no longer want you to show affection to them, especially in public places.
Things like hugs and a peck on the cheek-taboo.
Do not think of just blowing a kiss either.
Sweet is an inaccurate word to describe them on most days.

It is as if they have taken on some symptoms of old age.
They forget.
They no longer remember the house rules.
They forget they do not and never have had a live-in maid.
They forget where the kitchen sink and laundry room are.
They forget your phone number- so they are not able to keep you updated with their schedule.
They forget when to come home.
They forget how to get home.
They forget they have parents.
(Unless they need something from you.  Like money.)

They become unreasonably irritable.
They become unreasonable period.
They have short tempers.
And they can be demanding.
Especially when you are so slow or so deaf or have the most embarrassing wardrobe.

They have become amazingly intelligent almost overnight!
You no longer have any sense or wisdom about you.
You do not know anything.
And you for sure 'you just don't understand' or 'get it'.

How could you?
Being as old as you are and all?
You are sometimes even so stupid.
They wonder how this happened to you overnight.


And they question your love. 
How could you love them and do the things you do?
And you wonder the same thing back.


And you feel unloved and unappreciated and unheard and misunderstood.
And you do not understand how they cannot see and feel the deep love you have for them.
Why can't they understand that it is because you love them and are concerned for them that you have become these' overnight crazy people'?


And then you remember when you brought this child into your life.
And you remember the love you felt when you first saw them.
And how you made a promise that you would love them and keep them safe from harm.
And as you remember, you are reminded how you got here.


And you realize you could never have known the depth of the feelings and emotions that would come with being a parent of a child.
And you are beside yourselves.
And you shed many tears and spend a lot more time on your knees asking for guidance.


And although you are often confused,
and you often feel lost and inadequate,
you hold on and continue to try your best not knowing sometimes what that even is.
And you often feel like it is anything but your best.

But the love that you never could have imagined,
is the very love that keeps you loving and trying, despite the questionable evidence that you are not making much progress.

And recalling that love is what sustains and encourages you to nurture those untamable teens into becoming wonderful adults.

And you can see past the anger and the tears and the uncertainty and see that child, your child, looking back at you from within their teenage body.
And you are reminded of what you are doing and why.
And at that moment your love and heart stretches beyond your human capacity and you begin the journey into sainthood.




And it is that hope and that love that pulls you through this phase of life.

"Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity."~Neal A. Maxwell

"Adolescence is a period of rapid changes.  Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years."~Author Unknown