June 30, 2010

Sometimes I Just Need A Good Cry

"Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it."~ Albert Smith

 Have you ever just felt like you needed or wanted to cry and you aren't even hormonal?

Sometimes it sneaks up on me.
It is usually because I have been pushing it aside or inside and it crests at my eye sockets.

It is at those times that I may cry when someone else's child wins an award for perfect attendance - while being home-schooled.
Or I cry at a Hallmark commercial.  (Especially when they are between the Hallmark movie that I am already crying about.)  (Did you see the last one 'When Love Is Not Enough'?)
Or I may cry when there is a great, bachelor pad- make-over on HGTV.
This is evidence that I am looonngg overdue for a good cry.

Unless I am cutting onions, I can't cry on demand.
So I may prompt it (if none of the above situations present themselves) by watching a tear-jerker movie or re-reading Where The Red Fern Grows.
Because I know as Antoine Rivarol so accurately states, "Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water."

Other times sad things just happen suddenly:
We ache for a loved one.
We are tired of what we see in the mirror.
We have experienced a great loss.
We feel overwhelmed with life.
We know our life is about to change, maybe forever.
Or We have NO idea what tomorrow will hold.

And I think at those times it is important to cry.
No, I think it is essential !  Shakespeare recognized that "To weep is to make less the depth of grief."

If like a river, there is only so much water the banks of our hearts can hold within, there will eventually be an inevitable flood of salty tears pouring out and over into our lives if we do not address it.

It is a cleansing, a release.
Although the process may be uncomfortable and draining, when it is all done, we most likely will experience some relief.

I believe that The Master of us knew we needed a release valve to keep us from overheating,  cracking our head gaskets or just burning up our engines!  
So He installed one in each of us.
Complete with overflow tear ducts.
Free of charge.
With an instruction manual.
A manual that many of us do not even know where we put.
Or we keep it in our night stand drawer but never look at it.
Or we sold it at our last yard sale thinking we didn't need it.
Because we have owned the vehicle so long we know how it works.
Whatever the reason we ignore the required maintainence.

Not a good thing!
Because , "Tearless grief bleeds inwardly" Christian Nevell Bovee knows.

So if you ever feel like you just need a good cry, that is probably because you do!!

Grab some Kleenex and let's go!

"Unless you have been very, very lucky, you have undoubtedly experienced events in your life that have made you cry.  So unless you have been very, very lucky, you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit."~Lemony Snicket

June 27, 2010

If You Are Ever Wondering, Just Talk To a Child

If you ever ask a 3-5 yr old child how old his mom is he may say something like:


Older than me


7 or maybe 8

She's really old.  Like 16!


I don't know, but I know my dad is one age older than her.

One day at school a five year old boy told me that he'd gotten married to his sisters friend over the weekend.
When I asked how he knew what a wedding was and that they were married he said, "Because she gave me this ring and said this is your awfully wedded husband."

While eating a Popsicle during snack a young girl asked, "When you get a brain freeze does your whole head turn to ice?"

"My dad loves Pickle trucks!"  Translation: Pick-up trucks

I was expressing to the children at my table during snack that I was going to miss my son.  I explained that he was going to graduate from college and move far away to a different place.
One boy quickly consoled me saying, "It's O.K.  You can get on an airplane or just text him!"
(Why didn't I think of that?!)

While on a field trip to the wildlife preserve, the ranger asked the students, "Do rabbits eat meat?"  And a kindergartner yelled out, "No, they are meat!"

June 21, 2010

It's All Relative

I quietly slid onto the pew next to a family at church that had a three year old daughter and an infant son.

I waved the finger-wave to the little girl, when her eyes lit up and she got a huge smile on her face and said with conviction and enthusiasm,"Happy Father's Day!!"

My heart couldn't help but melt as I felt the sincerity of her naive, innocent greeting, so I smiled back and with genuine gratitude said, "Thank you!"  She beamed.

How did she know that I had tried to fill that role as a divorced mother many  times?
Unsuccessfully of course.

But what I truly felt was that to her, I looked like someone who was worthy of receiving recognition on Father's Day!

June 16, 2010

I Need You To Tell Me The Truth

"Like all dreamers, I mistook disenchantment for truth."~ Jean-Paul Sartre

Have you ever said this to anyone?

"I need you to tell me the truth." 
How about to yourself?
Have you ever required that of you?


I have found that I set myself up for disappointment if and when I am not straight up with myself.

(A math problem that should be easier for me to get than 2+2.)
(But isn't.)

Who knows when it started.
Me leaving out the reality part.
At this point I don't think it really matters.

What I do know is that I have been telling myself what I want to hear or think I should hear instead of what I need to hear.
Instead of the truth.
I have been doing this for a long time,
Mostly when it comes to certain situations and people.

I need to hear myself say that I do not control another persons choices.
That who they are- what they say and do- does not determine my worth.
Because that is the truth.
That I am not responsible for others choices.
That you may know a tree by the fruit it yields.
(Just pay attention.)

That we/I do not make someone have poor behavior.
Because that is the truth.
That I am not them.
That no one is perfect.
That love alone is not enough to save someone from themselves.
Because that is the truth.
That if someone walks away who is not respectful to you, it has nothing to do with you.
And that it is a blessing if they do.
Because that is the truth.
That I am not a bad mom, or person or wife or girlfriend or co-worker or friend (or fill in any blanks that are left) because someone says it is so.
That I am lovable.
(That can be a tough one for some of us to believe, but the MOST important of all!)
(It sounds like I am about to invite you to a pity party-but I'm not.) Whew!

I need to tell myself these truths.
And often.
So as not to forget them.

Sometimes the truth is so hard.
Not because I don't believe it's true, but because if I do, I have to accept some tough realities.
Some may disappoint me and  I may be hurt.
And some may be hard to hear and believe because it is not something I have been used to.
Either way, good or bad, it will cause change if I accept it as the truth that it is.
(The very thought (change) sends me packing for Denial...)

It is my duty, my responsibility to tell me the truth.
I need to value myself enough to do that.
Because when I do, although often not easy, it has always been a loving thing.
And boy do I need all the love I can get!!

"Truth only reveals itself when one gives up all preconceived ideas."~ Shoseki


June 12, 2010

What Am I An Expert In?

"Your soul is all that you possess.  Take it in hand and make something of it!"~ Martin H. Fischer

 I was asked to define myself in a specific area.
To target what I am an expert in.
Be it divorce, parenting, single-parenting, teaching children, addiction, budgeting, refinishing furniture, computer illiteracy etc.

The problem is, is that I am not an expert on any of these things although I have had more experience in some areas than in others.
Mostly I am expert at what NOT to do.   (In all of the above areas!)

After some thought I have decided I am an expert after all.

*I am an expert at finding lessons in what life keeps presenting me.
*At growing (weight blog?!) and learning how to improve myself as a person.
*At getting up and trying again (even when I didn't feel there was any hope.)
*At trying to find something positive when the situation looks pessimistic.
*AND at having love in my heart despite all the unlovable things that have happened to me. 


"The finest thing in the world is knowing how to belong to oneself."~ Michel de Montaigne

June 6, 2010

Aah, If Life Could Be Like a Game of Solitaire

"Old card players never die, they just shuffle away."~Author Unknown

 My mom brought me a new computer when she came to visit for my son's graduation.

Out of the kindness of her heart and desire to make me a card shark (I think) she put an icon to Solitaire Shortcut on my new screen.

She may have just been showing off her 'skills' with the computer as a senior citizen, to her Luddite daughter I suppose. (I don't say S.C. in front of her) - (unless it means discounts of course.)

What I am sure of though is that each time I see that card icon, my mouse goes to that Ace of Spades and oh, so, wants to click there.

I hadn't ever played Solitaire on the computer and it has different rules than when I was a child dealing cards to (and with) myself.

But I found some things I like about this game that I wanted to share.

If life were like Solitaire:

~The rules are set.
They are predictable.
I can not make up my own rules to guarantee success.
(Unlike the 'flexible' ones I used to play by.)

~You can not cheat, but if you do try to, it gives you the benefit of the doubt and has some helpful-pointer-pop-ups of what you can and can't do.
It does know what you were trying to do.

~You can click the Undo choice and it can reverse your last move.
You get to try that play again!
This especially comes in handy when you can see a better choice than the one you originally made or when you did something you wish you hadn't or didn't really mean to.

How many of us would like the option of "Do-overs" in our lives?
(Especially once we have seen what the results will be of a certain action?)

~There are 'sounds' that come with certain moves or choices that are made.
So you know what just happened or will happen.

~You are always given the option to continue, end or re-try.
At the click of a button!
How many times in life do we get that kind of offer?

~It tells you the truth.
"Sorry, you lost this game."
No tiptoeing around Vegas here...
(I'd have to go to Denial to get that.)
(Or adopt an elephant.)

~It offers encouragement and hope.
With "Better luck next time."
I guess that could be taken as sarcastic if I was looking for a fight, but I am not going to let some 'theory' or 'assumption' of what I think might be a different meaning get me down.
I am taking it as I want to hear it.
(Could be a valuable relational asset to use with real people??)

~There is a support team available.
With how-to, step-by-step instructions to guide you.
Have you ever said, "Life did not come with an instruction manual?"

~Even if you got all the full suits you still have to place each card in its proper order at the top all the way down to the last one to get the credit of being a 'winner'.
Ever heard of needing to 'Endure to the end?'

~It is really hard to lose (almost impossible) if you really want a win. 

~And finally what probably is my best, is that it let's you know when it's over.
If it allows you to keep playing, there are or is still a move left.
If not, it tells you.
"There are no moves left."
I really appreciate that because I could keep trying and trying and trying to make it work.
When no matter how hard I try it would never make a difference.
(Ever been there?)

Life IS like a game of Solitaire after all, isn't it?

1. The rules are set.
2.  Someone always knows if you are cheating.
Pointers/tips are always available if sought.
3.   You can try again.  (After confession.)
4.  Sounds of sorrow or joy follow our 'moves'.
5.  We can choose to continue, end or re-try our choices.
6.  Eventually the truth finds us (even when we try hard to deny it.)
7.  We have hope and encouragement available if we accept it.
8.  There is always a Divine Support Team ready and willing to help us for the asking.
9.  We must complete the whole game to win.
10.  It is possible to win if you so choose.
11.  We are protected from pursuing something endlessly that would be a waste of our lives.

"One of the healthiest ways to gamble is with a spade and a package of seeds."~Dan Bennett

Thanks Mom!

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