June 16, 2010

I Need You To Tell Me The Truth

"Like all dreamers, I mistook disenchantment for truth."~ Jean-Paul Sartre

Have you ever said this to anyone?

"I need you to tell me the truth." 
How about to yourself?
Have you ever required that of you?


I have found that I set myself up for disappointment if and when I am not straight up with myself.

(A math problem that should be easier for me to get than 2+2.)
(But isn't.)

Who knows when it started.
Me leaving out the reality part.
At this point I don't think it really matters.

What I do know is that I have been telling myself what I want to hear or think I should hear instead of what I need to hear.
Instead of the truth.
I have been doing this for a long time,
Mostly when it comes to certain situations and people.

I need to hear myself say that I do not control another persons choices.
That who they are- what they say and do- does not determine my worth.
Because that is the truth.
That I am not responsible for others choices.
That you may know a tree by the fruit it yields.
(Just pay attention.)

That we/I do not make someone have poor behavior.
Because that is the truth.
That I am not them.
That no one is perfect.
That love alone is not enough to save someone from themselves.
Because that is the truth.
That if someone walks away who is not respectful to you, it has nothing to do with you.
And that it is a blessing if they do.
Because that is the truth.
That I am not a bad mom, or person or wife or girlfriend or co-worker or friend (or fill in any blanks that are left) because someone says it is so.
That I am lovable.
(That can be a tough one for some of us to believe, but the MOST important of all!)
(It sounds like I am about to invite you to a pity party-but I'm not.) Whew!

I need to tell myself these truths.
And often.
So as not to forget them.

Sometimes the truth is so hard.
Not because I don't believe it's true, but because if I do, I have to accept some tough realities.
Some may disappoint me and  I may be hurt.
And some may be hard to hear and believe because it is not something I have been used to.
Either way, good or bad, it will cause change if I accept it as the truth that it is.
(The very thought (change) sends me packing for Denial...)

It is my duty, my responsibility to tell me the truth.
I need to value myself enough to do that.
Because when I do, although often not easy, it has always been a loving thing.
And boy do I need all the love I can get!!

"Truth only reveals itself when one gives up all preconceived ideas."~ Shoseki


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