October 29, 2010

You're Not The Boss Of Me!

Spending much of my time around children, I have heard this 
manifesto numerous times.
I would ask or are you?

I was driving to the women's jail to sponsor an Al-Anon meeting and this declaration came to my mind.

It struck me because a few weeks earlier at a meeting almost every one of the women there spoke about their families having addiction and/or drinking histories and how they felt the cyclic doom.

I contemplated whether I had anything "bossing" my life around.

These are some of the things that I thought of:

Solitaire- it determines when I go to sleep (depending when I win or how much of a distraction I need.)

Society- decides if I posses noteworthy beauty (Models and beauty pageants come to mind.)

Chocolate cake (really, anything chocolate)- how much I eat is dictated by how delicious it is (or how stressed or tired I am.)

My children- define what kind of mother I am (or I think they do.)

Laziness- exhausts the idea of exercising ( it is also pro-nap.)

My mind- lets negative voices live rent free.  (I am looking for new tenets.)

Bad relationships- claim I am unlovable (and the only imperfect one.)

Numbers- remind me when the bills are due, about my body image (weight and clothes size), how much my financial worth is ( income & credit score), about statistics (am I normal?) (no), and deadlines (thinking-election), and about time (how much or how little I have.)

My upbringing- trying to keep me a victim.

Pets- they get their demands needs met every time.

Negative people- they rain on my parade ( even on a sunny day-if I let them!)

I didn't like the idea of having all these bosses. 
And they don't even pay me!

I self-inquired whether or not I had someone determining the quality of my life and if so, should I?

Yes I do and yes I should.
God is the boss of me whether I like that idea or not.
Good for me I do like that idea.

When I listen to Him and His wisdom,
He guides me.
When I follow His mission statement and rules,
I am blessed.
When I ask for direction,
He gives it.
When I invest in Him,
He multiplies my return.
When I show love to Him,
He loves me back.
When I don't show Him love,
He loves me anyway.
He never fires me,
or asks me to do harmful things,
or belittles me,
or gives up on me.
He only uplifts,
and encourages me.
Believing I am special.
Because the truth is, I am.
He is not only my boss,
but also my Father,
making me His child.

"Nothing so conclusively proves a man's ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself."  ~Thomas J. Watson

October 24, 2010

What Are You Going To Be....?

I spoke to my three-year-old granddaughter (who lives a thousand miles away) over the phone.

We were talking about Halloween and she asked me "what I was going to be".

My initial reactionary response that came to mind was, "I'm already a witch!".
I refrained from saying it knowing my harsh, sarcastic humor could be offensive or even confusing to an innocent child.

She said she was going to be a little-big, yellow mermaid and suggested that I be a very big-big mermaid.  (My son explained that the yellow came from her thinking you had to dress as a fruit and she had chosen a lemon.)

I could not bring myself to tell her that I do not really 'do' Halloween.

At least not for myself.  (I do enjoy seeing others' costumes though.)

How could I crush her enthusiasm?
How could I tell her I am a boring grandma when it comes to 'dressing up'?
How could I explain that it takes a certain body and fitting attire to be a mermaid?
That Halloween is a holiday to scare people, but not with my your body?!

I could not tell her.
Because she would not understand.
She would ask, "Why not?"
And somehow all my excuses would sound just like that.

I am reminded again of the post "When do we lose it?"

What bothers me is not the fact that I really am not comfortable being a part fish/part female, exposed to the elements and society, but that I am closed to the idea of spontaneity, of fun, and of the enthusiasm she has.

The revealing truth is that a fruity, sour, lemon is more my style.
And you know what, I have a feeling that even if I did dress up as some overgrown lemon on steroids that she would still think I was awesome.

It isn't about the costume as much as it is about what I do when life gives me lemons is it?!  


October 19, 2010

The Emotional Wringer

I know I am aging myself by asking this, (but you saw my "OLD" cake so there really are no surprises.)
Anyway, do you remember those old washing machines that had wringers?

For you young'uns that have no clue or real old ones that have memory loss here is a (pretty pink?) picture.

Well, today therapy was an emotional wringer for me.
It squished out all the tears my little ducts had stored up.
(Too bad it doesn't work like that on body fat.)

It's the same 'ole stuff.

Things I wish had been washed out of my life long ago,
But weren't.
They keep showing up like old stains.
You know the ones, those yellowish, brownish, greasyish, I'm-here-to-stay-ones?

In preparing for the parenting class, a lot of these were revealed.
And since the things that came up for me are like permanent stains on my heart,
It did not help much to deny their existence. 

Oh, believe me I have been trying.
I would be able to teach a DISTRACTION 101 class.
I have plenty techniques and materials to provide at least a months worth of avoidance.

So here is more truth about why I didn't blog for long spans.
I was avoiding any feelings that might come through the keys on this computer.
Or I thought I was.

Instead I played solitaire.

It is a good distractor but not a very good stain fighter.

I do feel better now.
Wrung out, and empty.
Empty in a good way.

In a way that isn't carrying all this damp weight around.
In a way that can let my heart dry out before it molds.
In a hopeful way.

I love the smell of clean laundry!

October 18, 2010

See?! Was That So Bad After All? .....

The parenting class was not as pressured as I thought it might be.

*I did a quick introduction and then opened it up for questions.

*I had somehow put together a handout (which was requested the last class I taught.)

* There weren't that many attendees.
(And I liked the ones who came.)

(The ones who REALLY needed to be there -weren't.)

*There weren't too many questions that I had to make up lies to answer.

*Some of the best "snacks" were also served.

And finally, I may get a chance to do it again next month.

So what was all the fuss about??

I"ll tell you later.

October 11, 2010

Wow! What Happened Here?!

Or Not!

I am not sure where I have been,
Or why I have not posted.

Maybe it was because I finally decided to wash my dishes,

Or attempt to try on and give away clothes that no longer fit.
(It is a good sign that is is time to let them go if they either get stuck going on or coming off...)

Or maybe I was coupon cutting.
(This has become my renewed passion.)
I am so excited about the great deals I have been finding,
that I am buying things like Huggies Little Movers (with no toddler),
and recordable discs (being the Luddite that I am of course.)

It could also be that I have been working on my presentation for a parenting class.

I am honored that I have been asked, 
yet always sometimes feel inadequate to be "the expert".

Well, I guess I am.
On what not to do as a parent.

It seems that my own family issues surface right about the time of my class presentation.
I worry that I will appear to be 'the hypocrite'.
(So I am considering using the Brady children as my examples.)
But then they didn't grow up so perfect either did they?

My diet has been blown by all the Humble pie I have been eating.
I also think I need to re-read my last post on guilt as that is contributing to my weight too.

I want to stand up in front of those parents and tell them that I made many mistakes as a parent,
but that it has all worked itself out now.

That I no longer have struggles.
That every one of my children are making mature, healthy choices,
and that I didn't contribute to any negative behavior.

I want to say this but I can't.
So I will just have to tell them the truth.

I will just have to admit that I am an imperfect parent
and that I have human children
and that we still have not figured it all out.

That what I do have readily available is my love.
And my desire and determination to keep learning and growing.

The End

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

October 3, 2010

If We Could Convert Guilt.....

"If we could convert guilt into fuel, we would never have to visit the gas station again."~Reyna

I can not speak for men, 
But some women, including mothers,
feed ourselves guilt daily.

No, we FEED off of guilt every day.
It is the foundation of our food pyramid.

Guilt has it's place.
I think it's in the back of the refrigerator with that other stuff that needs throwing out.

I know, we can use guilt to our advantage.
If it spurs us to change something for better.

O.K., if it is sinful then it is good prodding,
But many of us make up 'sins'-
Things that could not keep us out of heaven if we wanted them to.
Things that would make God laugh...
Or maybe cry, if He saw what it was doing to us.

We then use those imagined 'sins' to punish ourselves.

Do we know that if something is making us:

Resent those we love,
Feel we are a hopeless, worthless cause,
Show negative physical symptoms,
Despise ourselves,
Want to throw in the towel,
And eat the whole three pound bag of semisweet chocolate chips,

Sure, there are things in our lives that need adjusting.
Not pummeling!

So adapt.
Change (or try your darndest) when needed,
and keep going forward.
PROGRESSION not regression remember?!

If guilt is keeping you stuck,
Or worse yet,
Destroying your peace,
(Or is it?)

It is time to ask ourselves why are we doing it?
What is the payoff?
And what is the price we will pay if we do not stop?

Mostly ask, "Why do we expect perfection from an imperfect being?
And then beat ourselves up when we don't and can't come through?"
How humane is that?!

That came off a lot little harsh didn't it?
I guess it is because I have been there, done that,
(and still visit sometimes),
And I know the destruction it can leave in its wake.

All we will have to show in the end is more guilt.
It isn't worth it.

Find a new diet.
Or pyramid.

Lighten up.

This is not a ticket to reckless irresponsibility.
But how many of us have marinated in guilt to the point of inertia and misery?

Be gentle with us.
We are all we get,
We are all we got.

Count your blessings (meaning ALL the good you have done).
Name them one by one...
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done (through you!)

 "It is simply not for us to judge each other [or ourselves]. The Lord has reserved that right for Himself, because only He knows our hearts and understands the varying circumstances and complexities of our lives."
Sheri L. Dew

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