April 30, 2014
The S.A.M. Story Part IV
Although excited to finally see him, the nervousness escalated as she pulled into his driveway
feeling the rocks beneath her tires wondering if he could hear her coming. She turned down the music-as if he could really hear it-wanting to surprise him yet inwardly feeling anxious -not wanting to be surprised herself by a possible disapproving gesture if she wasn't what he had expected or remembered. It was similar to watching a recipient open your gift and anticipating their reaction. Her hope of hope was that if he was disappointed, he could at least mask it with a weak smile.
She inhaled a long, deep breath, exhaling words of self-encouragement as she slowly opened the car door. She could immediately hear music in the still, spring air coming from his home. This helped ease some of her angst as she remembered a S.A.M. he had shared with her. (S.A.M.'s were a game they had invented and played of Something About Me's where something personal was shared to help each of them learn more about the other.) He had shared how he found music to be cathartic for him. Maybe he too was feeling/experiencing some of the same uncertainties that she was-at least she hoped so as to not be alone.
Walking up the porch steps, approaching the front door, she again felt unease. Not having the security of distance and technology between them anymore presented a new dilemma as she wasn't sure how to react when he opened the door. She also realized she had forgotten to breathe as if holding her breath would have any effect on his reaction.
She knocked and waited. Telling herself she was way beyond the adolescent "shy" years of 'not knowing what to say' did not abate her lack of words-something that usually flowed easily for her.
He opened the door and she sheepishly smiled, slightly tilting her head to the left while simultaneously lifting her shoulder and just said,... "Hi". He, having anticipated her visit however, was unprepared for her exceptional beauty highlighted by such a small gesture, causing him to feel a need to divert his eyes from her gaze but not being able to. Stumbling with words, he ultimately mustered a return ,"Well, hello"; wanting to give her a hug but hesitantly holding back.
His dog came behind him wearing the now famous collar and as he bent down and quieted it, the spell of apprehension was gone as he invited her in-immediately bringing the same welcoming, warm, hospitality she had admired about him back in the beginning. And somehow for that moment she forgot to worry that he might be disappointed (although he was anything but) and knew it was all going to be OK .... and worth it.