April 7, 2010

SERIES - #2 I Didn't Expect: To Have Four Boys and Only One Girl

When my daughter heard what this 'topic' was she announced to other family members that it was mean.  I didn't get it (of course, why would I?)

It seems sort of odd to 'expect' what sex your children will be, but that is how my mind was working.

I have always wanted five children but I never really gave thought to the balance.
I just thought there would be one.
Apparently not much thought...
(How do you balance out five anyway?)

Playing with my Barbies, (yes I had Barbies) I never acted out the role 0f a mother of mostly girls or mostly boys.  Even then I just thought it would be 'even'.  (Although there were not many male dolls available.  I only had one.  It was Ken.  (Sometimes my brothers' G.I. Joe, unbeknownst  to him would be around too.)  Mostly it was Ken.  One Ken to octo-Barbies.  Ken loved it!  It was like Mattel polygamy.) 
(Let's pretend I didn't just plant that idea in your mind.)

My first two babies were boys.
By the time I was pregnant with my third child, I thought it would be a girl.
I mean doesn't that make sense?
Two boys to play with each other.

Now let's mix it up a bit.
Give them a little sister.

But it did not happen that way.

Instead I heard, "It's a boy!"
Of course, I loved this baby boy too and I still do.
But I had not anticipated that it would not be  girl.
Who was tipping the scales here?

It would be another lesson for me.

I resolved then that I would be grateful for whatever gender God chose to send me.
And that I would trust that He knew what He was doing.
Don't get me wrong, I was grateful, I just got worried I would never get to experience a daughter.
(I am embarrassed to admit my shallowness.)
(Maybe my daughter is on to something?)

I had read about a faithful man who was the father of five boys and loved it for all the right reasons.
It changed how I felt.
I accepted the fact that I too might be blessed with five boys.

Near the last few months of my fourth pregnancy , the doctor had some concerns that complications might arise so I had to have several ultrasounds.
I was always asked if I wanted to know what the sex was.
I did not.
I figure if I have to wait nine months anyway, I might as well have a surprise in the end.
Isn't that how it has been for thousands of years?
And no one ever gets a refund anyway if they don't get what they expected.

Besides, my personality is such that I would not only have this child's name pre-picked without seeing them, but I would already have planned what kind of child they were going to be (see 'Preconceived Notion' post) and what extra curricular events they would be involved in, to what their favorite everything was and where they were going to college...before they were even born!

So I waited until the day.
"It's a girl!"
She really was unexpected!

She was a blessed addition to our male family.
It was added spice.
I said, "It is like having salt and pepper now!"
(Are those spices?)
Nooo cooking for you Reyna!

Then not even two years later,
Again I heard, "It's a boy!"
And my last child was absolutely perfect!
I was so happy to have him too!

I had grown enough by then not to think about whether it was a boy or girl.
I was grateful that all my children were born strong and healthy.
No more 'balancing' thoughts.
(Of course ten years had also passed-more mature perspective maybe?)

Then my divorce came.
When that happened, I got amnesia and I forgot about the part up on top here where I said, "[I] trust that He knew what He was doing" ( when he blessed me with mostly boys).
I questioned, mostly to the air so as not to speak disrespectfully, directly to God, "Why did God give me all these boys to raise alone?  I know nothing about boys.  I've had very few men in my life.  How am I supposed to raise boys?"
(It was my 'pity-me' cry.)

But it would not be long before those questions were answered.
Testosterone vs Hormones that's why!!

My sister has three girls very close to my childrens' age and as they matured (if you know what I mean...)
it became evident what a wise and loving and understanding and compassionate God He was.
Thank goodness for off-balance.
Thank goodness that He knew what He was doing!

Disclaimer:Nothing against girls-I happen to be one.
It's just that I was not a very good sharer when it came to who gets to play the monthly, lead role in Mommy Dearest.  Or is it Psycho?
Imagine if I would have had to fight for the part with 4-5 other females?!
Thank goodness those days are past.
(Back to the main focus here.)

I would not want any of my children to be any thing other that exactly what God sent.
Who was that crazy, 'I-want-balance-woman??!'
I know her.
She is OK now.
She has received help.  Thank goodness!

The help came in the form of four boys and one girl!
Therapy by design!
Designed by the Ultimate Creator of all time.

P.S.  I want to add what an absolute blessing it has been for me that God entrusted five of His special spirits to me.
In whatever form.
That I have had the privilege of giving birth to five wonderful, beautiful children.
That I was granted one of the two things I really ever wanted in life; to be a mother.
I know that I make sarcastic comments sometimes and kid around but I would NEVER change that part of my life!

This past summer I had major surgery.  
I had to sign a consent form acknowledging that I would never be able to have children again.
I have had my time to do that and have no desire to do that part of my life again, but somehow just the act of having to conscientiously sign that divine right away made me very sad.
It also brought a tremendous amount of gratitude to God for allowing my body to be healthy and work properly at the time needed so that I could be the means of transporting those precious babies to this Earth!

"I never knew how much love my heart could hold until someone called me "mommy."~Author Unknown

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