February 21, 2010

The Black Buff - Part 1 Is Back

I had originally posted the Black Buff on Feb 7 but removed it on Feb 9.  It is now re-posted.

Black Buff is a disease that turns the area black. 
It has to be cut out.
Then it has to be stitched up.
Then you are all better. 

 This disease affects stuffed animals.  I learned about it from a child whose elephant had it.

I was informed that it's very serious and can spread if it isn't taken care of.

Can humans contract it?  Yes.

I wonder what it would be called.  Anger maybe or resentment ?  Fear or guilt perhaps?  Pain?  Frustration?

I have seen it in humans only it isn't as clearly visible as it is on Stuffy the elephant.
At least not at first.
It does continue to spread to other areas in their lives if it isn't treated though.

Mostly it affects peoples' heart. 
Although you can't see it as a black spot from the outside, it starts to become who they are.
And that is evident.

Actually I got an advanced case of Black Buff after my divorce.

I thought it was in remission as I'd posted the positive quotes, said I'd forgiven him, (because that's the right thing to do) and I spent a lot of time on vacation in Denial.  I believed I was recovering.

I was sure that I at least had it confined to just my ex.
But one day I noticed that I was angry at the other drivers on the road who were obediently going the speed limit and at the inept cashier who was so slow and that my heart was cynical towards the whole stupid world.
I had the Buff!  And a bad case of it!

At that moment I realized that all that anger, pain,  rejection, fear, frustration, and tremendous guilt that I felt because of and towards my ex was now also aimed at the world.

It was no longer just what I felt but had become who I was.  

It's a crucial procedure to cut the Buff out while still living your life.
Sometimes the heart just wants to cocoon itself and stop feeling.
When that happens it prolongs the healing and sometimes makes it almost impossible to recover.
I was vacationing at that shut down spot Denial, and I was seriously thinking about staying there permanently.

When it gets to that point it takes a miracle to heal.
I've never seen someone have that change in their heart, the Black Buff removed completely, without a miracle. 

I was granted that change upon request.

Actually, it was more like a desperate plea.

"God brings men into deep waters, not to drown them, but to cleanse them."~John Aughey

To be continued....

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