September 6, 2010

Keep The Change

As a society, 
I do not think that we are a people who wait in line to buy tickets to the premiere movie "Change".

I am not a big fan myself.

I like to stick to the old habits,
that like burrs,
are stuck in my mind and behaviors.

But something has been happening with me.
It has been subtle yet progressive.

I have been making changes in my life.
Both on how I treat myself,
And how I allow others to treat me.

This movement originated around the time of my divorce.

What started as protecting myself from abuse,
has now become
being aware of simple discomforts I feel,
And voicing my boundaries if I am feeling vulnerable.

The bad news is, is that not everyone is on board with me.
Some people want me to "Keep the change" so to speak.

I have upset these people.
Even though they are dear to me.
When I said, "This is what I can and can not do",
it was not received very well.

This has saddened me as it affected a relationship of many years.
Yet, I do not have regret for honoring my needs.
Just that a friendship was altered because I did.

Oh, I still want to go back to the old Reyna,
Who when confronted with opposition
would convince myself it either was not that important,
or that I was just being too sensitive, etc.

But I try now to be my best advocate.

That, I have found can be a lonely place.
But, as lonely as it is,
it does not compare to the loneliness I used to feel
when I abandoned myself along the roadside,
all in the name of compliance and neglect.

It is possible that over time,
I will be able to shield myself without having to say anything.
But for now, this is where I am at,
and although it secludes me,
I like the company I am with! 

"If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies."  ~Author Unknown

"If you want to make enemies, try to change something."  ~Woodrow Wilson



  1. People who are true in being your friend will let you be just who you need to be - on YOUR terms. They may not understand you, or relate to you - but they will still be there for you.


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