Tempted By Toilet Paper

"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."  ~Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891

Have you ever noticed when you are vulnerable how weak you become?

How it is easier to let your guard down?

How you think of doing things that would not usually cross your mind?

And you may do things you would not otherwise do?

Well, that is what happened to me over toilet paper.

I was almost running out.
Both of my bathrooms were low.
Even the Kleenex was low.
And I was also short on money as I have been unemployed.
(Just setting the scene.)
And to top it off, there were no good sales going on either. 


You can guess what those things combined equaled...
That is right. 
Desperate actions.
Or at least thoughts of them.

I had to go out for the morning.
To a public place.
I also happened to need to use the restroom when I was there.
Really.


Right next to me, in the stall, almost touching my elbow was an extra roll of toilet paper sitting smack on top of the T.P. dispenser.
Not fastened securely behind lock and key, nope, just out in the open.
Taunting me.
                     
Sending Angel-soft messages such as:

"It is o.k. to take me or why would I just be sitting here, where it is so easy to reach me?"
"You know, this is here for you.  Who else but you, uses up the last little roll before starting a new one worrying about salvaging the last square?  No one except you.  So take it."
"You will be doing the janitor a favor."
"It'll go to waste if you don't."
"Your purse is big enough.  It will fit.  Just don't look for change in the bottom of your purse until you get home."
"You pay taxes, this is under a dollars worth."

Do you see how bold and daring you can get when under pressure?

Did I mention this was at a police station?
I kid you not, it was.


Desperate moments call for desperate measures.
Isn't that how the saying goes?


Well, I didn't take the roll after all.  There was a policewoman in the stall next to me.
I could tell by her shiny shoes,
And her full uniform as she washed her hands next to me with her gun intact.

I was relieved I hadn't succumbed as I am sure now that it was a sting operation strategically set up to tempt me into recklessness.
Can't you just see my mug shot on the package of Charmin with the headline:
'Don't squeeze the Charmin! (into your purse!)'?


So I marched myself to Wal-Mart and did the next best thing.
I lied about an ad match.


People look at you knowingly, as you walk out of the store hugging a child-size pack of  Ultra strong, diamond weave, durable and long lasting T.P.

What they didn't know was how close I had been to becoming a criminal all in the name of being dependably clean (the packages' words not mine.)

"All men are tempted.  There is no man that lives that can't be broken down, provided it is the right temptation, put in the right spot."  ~Henry Ward Beecher, Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit, 1887