June 2, 2011

Part II She Wrapped Her Arms Around Who She Was And Embraced It

In my last post I focused on my physical self (because I had a picture) and learning to embrace her, it ,me.
As I get older my looks are a little harder to take but not nearly as hard as embracing  the emotional/spiritual self was.

SHE was a lot more painful to look at.
Imagine the most physically unhealthy person you can envision and that is pretty much what my emotional self "looked" like.
Only in a heart/soul/spirit kind-of-way.

Part of "who she was" had become dictated over her lifetime by:
home environment,
family structure (or lack of),
emotional trauma,
and how many "tools-of-life" I was given.

That in essence meant that by the time I had become an independent adult at the age of 18 years that I had a "baggage" collection substantial enough to provide for all my neighbors to travel the world.

Translation: Lots of issues!!

These included:
control issues,
trust issues,
unhealthy boundaries,
low self esteem,
fear of abandonment ,
and that's not all....!

These had all become part of making up who I was.
And as much as I wanted to not start out dragging a bunch of tattered baggage around in my life and I yearned for a clean slate, it was already a part of me.
It was who I was.

Over the years (many, many years), I have been able to work through several of these adversities, sometimes not erasing them completely,
but learning how to better handle my reactions when certain situations come up.

I can honestly say that I can wrap my arms around exactly who I am and embrace me.
(That doesn't mean that it's always pretty, just accepting)

Because of many of my experiences, I have greater insight and empathy.
I can then use these traits to encourage and uplift those who may be going through similar trials.
For this I am grateful.

One of the many lessons I have learned is that I am all I got,
And embracing me provides a safe, healthy place for me to learn about love and acceptance.

Baggage gets a bad wrap doesn't it?
But some of our most valuable possessions when we travel, are those we want to "carry-on" with us.

"Oh, if only each of us could embrace who we are."~Reyna
"What he had yearned to embrace was not the flesh but a downy spirit, a spark, the impalpable angel that inhabits the flesh."  ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Wind, Sand and Stars, 1939, translated from French by Lewis Galantière


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