We were working on her homework when she just got up from the bed and walked away.
I waited a minute and looked up to see where she went and saw that she had taken one of the three red roses she had in a vase by her bed and started cutting the stem pretty short. (Where do these spontaneously sporadic actions come from?!") We were working on a math worksheet!
(These were the ones in another part of the house.)
I, in my best, jump-to-conclusions-and overreact-any-chance-you-get-mothering-Beast-self (that I am ashamed to say dominated my parenting) said, "I don't know if you want to cut that off because if it's too short it can't get any water and will die." (That was a useless thing to say because it was already cut by then.) (The disturbing part is I was at a nanny job and still was acting in my old role without hesitation or thought!)
She, in her stellar, I-am-just-going-to-ignore-what-you-just-said-Beauty-
self said, "Here, Ms. Reyna, this is for you!", as she handed me a tiny vase filled with water, one red rose, some Baby's breath and a leaf (I know it has some official name... and probably isn't a leaf at all but stay focused). (What child has a perfect size 3 1/2 inch glass vase right there in their bedroom?)
BEAST: I am worried that she's going to "ruin" the flowers and they will be wasted and unable to be enjoyed. And they are expensive, beautiful red roses! Who gets those very often? so we need to "preserve" them. Cutting them up is not a very good idea!
BEAUTY: These are beautiful and should be shared with people whom I care about! Here, I will just stop in the middle of doing the trivial, mundane stuff (such as homework), not worry about if its logical or a perfect presentation or that I will have less, and just go act on this good feeling I have right now. See, wasn't that easy? And look how happy it made her!!
This Beast can sure learn a lot from Beauty here.
Maybe if I didn't worry so much about "stuff" and looked beyond material things, I would act more often on the pure motivation; of sharing kindness and love, thus not getting so caught up, that I miss the moment completely.
How beautiful a day can be
When kindness touches it!
~George Elliston
Flowers whisper "Beauty!" to the world, even as they fade, wilt, fall. ~Dr. SunWolf, professorsunwolf.com
I was reluctant to just jump on the white horse with him at the invite and ride away although I knew him well. It's just that it had been over thirty years since I had last rode with him. The seventeen year old said, 'just go', the older version said, 'hang on a minute'.
Questions internally arose from me such as, 'Once you're a knight are you always a knight or have you become a distinguished King?' And conscientious concerns like,' Does he realize too that princesses age and mature into (maybe not so stately) Queens?'
Things had changed. He now owned a horse named Harley who sported leather and I had retired not only the Daisy Duke wardrobe I'd borrowed but what had fit into it. Carefree youthfulness was taken away by maturity in the form of children, jobs, ex's, bills and other responsibilities. Things that we before never knew existed in our youth (or at least couldn't care less about) had now become our common daily concerns.
But no matter how many years had passed I still had not become so mature that I had outgrown the belief in fantasy. I was just more cautious, slower to be swooped away- trying not to jump on just any inviting horse ride. I had had my share of long, lonely treks back from deserted castles and wasn't looking to travel that route again anytime soon.
However, age doesn't erase dreams, at least not completely. The-little-girl-turned-woman who believes in fairy-tales still yearns for a happily-ever-after ending, even when experience has taught that it is a lot harder to come by than good ol' Walt portrayed. And I had had my share of tin-foiled knights to prove that.
Still he came. Inviting. Fun and adventure didn't await 'down the road' it was right away. Right now. Boy, when you become conscious and appreciative of life's time-line itself, 'right now' is more than just alluring, it's practical and even more appealing.
Not having to do initial introductions and take time to build impressive facades saved us a lot of time. Quality time. Because we had already been there. Plus it was extremely relaxing and comfortable just 'being'.
Passing years had been good to us as we had done much of our "growing" away from each other and now came open handed to share the 'fruits-of-our-labors' - the product of our efforts. There is something uncharacteristically romantic about the transformation of a reformed, flimsy, tin-foil boy into a shiny knight without actually watching the process, but reaping the rewards.
Maybe in some ways the years had helped us learn not to 'sweat the small stuff ' and at the same time it magnified them. Experience just helps you to categorize better, straining out the small things that are trivial and unimportant in the big scheme of things, and appreciating the things that used to seem so 'small'.
Castles look different at mid-life than they did at eighteen. So do the occupants. And the expectations of those occupants. I don't know if it's a place of permanent residence, but it is nice to visit and have a "Disney-call" as one should never be too old to dream and to take, if nothing else, just one more ride down that road on that horse.
