Eighteen months ago I invited or/and allowed a new male into my life.
I wrote about him here.
Well, we broke up.
Not because we don't love each other (it would be hard to find more unconditional love anywhere),
Not because of age difference (although it is substantial),
Not because we don't get along (we are the best of friends),
Not because of lack of communication (although it has been minimalistic and verbally one-sided for most of our time together),
And not because I don't want to be with him anymore (this is breaking my heart),
But because him and his family had to move out of state.
(For you who did not get the original scoop-he is now an eighteen month old toddler).
I was offered to come along and had I been twenty-years old it could of been the dream-move of a lifetime.
But (FYI) I am a little past twenty and have an established place and other obligations and responsibilities (...and what sounds like excuses) where I am at now.
It was however one of those unexpecteds I started writing this blog about.
* I unexpectedly acquired a complete new family into my family structure.
* I unexpectedly fell in love with someone not of my own flesh and blood as if he were my own.
(I in no way mean any disrespect , but I wondered if maybe just for a tiny glimpse this is what happens to adoptive parents and other family members when they are blessed with a child.)
* I unexpectedly learned even more about parenting (even after raising five children), and child development (even though I have been working with children for over forty-one years), and family dynamics (it was so heart warming to see such a strong and loving marriage unit).
* I unexpectedly have a broken heart. Not because of I fell out of love but because I fell in love.
* I have unexpectedly been blessed in so many ways from this relationship that I often wonder(ed) why God was being so generous with his love and blessings to me.
* I unexpectedly now have an opportunity to try a new venture.
"Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving." ~W.T. Purkiser
Let's see what I can do with my blessings!
July 30, 2012
July 17, 2012
I'm Working On It
I have been working on making a mini dream come true.
That is one of the main reasons I have been absent.
I will have a tiny space in a resale shop.
As the cliche says, "I fell into it".
But when I think about this, I have been preparing for years.
I believe even before I knew it would be, or become a dream.
That is the Secret!
I will be back to post a picture of my items and small space and share a little of how it all has come to be.
"The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do." ~Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy, 1996
That is one of the main reasons I have been absent.
I will have a tiny space in a resale shop.
As the cliche says, "I fell into it".
But when I think about this, I have been preparing for years.
I believe even before I knew it would be, or become a dream.
That is the Secret!
I will be back to post a picture of my items and small space and share a little of how it all has come to be.
"The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do." ~Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy, 1996
June 10, 2012
Where Did I Go?
I have been missing.
Not in action (I have still been very busy).
Not my mind ( I lost that a long time ago).
Not the sun (we have more than our fair share).
But from blog-ville.
There was only one other time I missed a whole month.
That was last December when we had some trying times.
This is different.
There are many changes currently happening in my life and the common denominator for them is $.
Because my money tree is not producing fruit sufficient for my needs, I am in one of those corners life offers me.
Actually, offers is a nice word.
It is more like a time-out corner where I cannot emerge until I have a new plan on how to deal with what course life is taking.
My new venture is to try my ideas of selling my furniture and other bargain finds.
It isn't a new, novel idea out there, but it is not exactly what I would have imagined.
The way this opportunity came up is a blog post in and of itself which I may someday post.
As for now, I have been busy working on projects and trying to get the business end in order.
I don't know exactly what course this is going to take, but one of the first things I am going to try to do is open a new blog featuring my furniture and other items I have configured.
Wish me luck!
I am anxious and fearful about the unknown,
And also excited and anticipating what new path my life is headed on!
Not in action (I have still been very busy).
Not my mind ( I lost that a long time ago).
Not the sun (we have more than our fair share).
But from blog-ville.
There was only one other time I missed a whole month.
That was last December when we had some trying times.
This is different.
There are many changes currently happening in my life and the common denominator for them is $.
Because my money tree is not producing fruit sufficient for my needs, I am in one of those corners life offers me.
Actually, offers is a nice word.
It is more like a time-out corner where I cannot emerge until I have a new plan on how to deal with what course life is taking.
My new venture is to try my ideas of selling my furniture and other bargain finds.
It isn't a new, novel idea out there, but it is not exactly what I would have imagined.
The way this opportunity came up is a blog post in and of itself which I may someday post.
As for now, I have been busy working on projects and trying to get the business end in order.
I don't know exactly what course this is going to take, but one of the first things I am going to try to do is open a new blog featuring my furniture and other items I have configured.
Wish me luck!
I am anxious and fearful about the unknown,
And also excited and anticipating what new path my life is headed on!
April 29, 2012
I Have Tesseroo
Dialing the number on the dog tag around her neck, the man said, "I have Tesseroo."
He described over his phone in detail how she had come into his possession and went on about how sweet and cute and well-behaved she was.
When he finally took a breath and inquired as to how to make arrangements for returning her, the person on the other end asked, "Who is Tesseroo?"
Double checking the number the man apologized, realizing he was one number off when dialing.
Is it only me or have any of you ever gone on and on about something only to find out later that you were "off by one number"?
Unfortunately for me it isn't a stranger's lost dog that I'm wrong about.
That would be acceptable.
It is usually someone I know well or think I do.
I think I am so sure that I know them that I give detailed descriptions of my side/my version of how it appears to me without stopping long enough to breathe and ask if it is even accurate.
When I am done I'm off by so many numbers it's become an international call!
I had found the dog but did not have the means to make the call, so a man across the street from where I was walking helped me.
As I stood there listening to him, it was much easier and more apparent for me to see that he might be off track as he kept talking.
Why is that?!
"Tesseroo" is now the new code word for making sure I have all the facts correct before making assumptions that I am right.
Maybe I can get my own tag to hang around my neck as a reminder?
....Just in case I get lost?
"Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in." ~Alan Alda
He described over his phone in detail how she had come into his possession and went on about how sweet and cute and well-behaved she was.
When he finally took a breath and inquired as to how to make arrangements for returning her, the person on the other end asked, "Who is Tesseroo?"
Double checking the number the man apologized, realizing he was one number off when dialing.
Is it only me or have any of you ever gone on and on about something only to find out later that you were "off by one number"?
Unfortunately for me it isn't a stranger's lost dog that I'm wrong about.
That would be acceptable.
It is usually someone I know well or think I do.
I think I am so sure that I know them that I give detailed descriptions of my side/my version of how it appears to me without stopping long enough to breathe and ask if it is even accurate.
When I am done I'm off by so many numbers it's become an international call!
I had found the dog but did not have the means to make the call, so a man across the street from where I was walking helped me.
As I stood there listening to him, it was much easier and more apparent for me to see that he might be off track as he kept talking.
Why is that?!
"Tesseroo" is now the new code word for making sure I have all the facts correct before making assumptions that I am right.
Maybe I can get my own tag to hang around my neck as a reminder?
....Just in case I get lost?
"Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in." ~Alan Alda
April 14, 2012
That Suspicious Smile
You know the smile I'm talking about?
The one that shows up on some people's faces and there's no one else around!
On the way to work yesterday morning I saw a woman riding her bike on the opposite side of the road coming towards me.
She had "that smile".
At first I smiled to myself because it made me happy to see someone else so radiantly happy but a few seconds later, I wiped that smile off my face and started the judgmental inquisitions.
(It's more relate-able if you read this part with attitude).
"She doesn't have headphones on so what is she listening to?"
"She's not talking to anyone on a phone so what's the cause for her joy?"
"She's riding alone so it can't be a fun companion making her smile now can it?"
"Why then is she so upbeat?"
(FYI-I learned to emphasize like that from my teenagers.)
I then put her in the "crazy" category and started thinking of the other people and places I had seen "that suspicious smile".
It would seem as if I would have reached my destination after all that time of producing negative thoughts but it was just a matter of a minute or two. (I have apparently become very efficient when it comes to finding fault.)
I continued my routine drive and what should appear? No, not a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer! (That would have been more palpable and comforting.)
It was that magic mirror! Not the one that says 'you are the fairest one of all' (I have not been able to find one of those...) but the one that says 'who made you the smile police?!'
That mirror works in the same department as the sorting queen does. They are very close.
Ms. Sorter is spokeswoman for Mr. Mirror.
So here it comes:
Mirror: "So what is really making you uncomfortable?"
ME: "You!"
Mirror: "Try again"
ME: " I was being influenced to feel good by a crazy person! I actually smiled too!"
Mirror: "And what if she wasn't crazy? What if she was just content in her life and that made her happy?"
The one that shows up on some people's faces and there's no one else around!
On the way to work yesterday morning I saw a woman riding her bike on the opposite side of the road coming towards me.
She had "that smile".
At first I smiled to myself because it made me happy to see someone else so radiantly happy but a few seconds later, I wiped that smile off my face and started the judgmental inquisitions.
(It's more relate-able if you read this part with attitude).
"She doesn't have headphones on so what is she listening to?"
"She's not talking to anyone on a phone so what's the cause for her joy?"
"She's riding alone so it can't be a fun companion making her smile now can it?"
"Why then is she so upbeat?"
(FYI-I learned to emphasize like that from my teenagers.)
I then put her in the "crazy" category and started thinking of the other people and places I had seen "that suspicious smile".
It would seem as if I would have reached my destination after all that time of producing negative thoughts but it was just a matter of a minute or two. (I have apparently become very efficient when it comes to finding fault.)
I continued my routine drive and what should appear? No, not a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer! (That would have been more palpable and comforting.)
It was that magic mirror! Not the one that says 'you are the fairest one of all' (I have not been able to find one of those...) but the one that says 'who made you the smile police?!'
That mirror works in the same department as the sorting queen does. They are very close.
Ms. Sorter is spokeswoman for Mr. Mirror.
So here it comes:
Mirror: "So what is really making you uncomfortable?"
ME: "You!"
ME: " I was being influenced to feel good by a crazy person! I actually smiled too!"
Mirror: "And what if she wasn't crazy? What if she was just content in her life and that made her happy?"
ME: "I am envious. How can it come so easy to some?"
Mirror: "It doesn't. She has worked hard and made a decision to find peace no matter what situation she is in. Because of that she has been able to find happiness and joy in the everyday things in life."
"Oh", I reply as I take a bite of my breakfast McHumble sandwich. Boy do I need to start that diet soon!
DISCLAIMER: As to not appear to be a total cynical blogger, I am not always so negative and yes, sometimes I do genuinely smile with the "crazy people" and feel really good after I do!
"Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad." ~Norm Papernick
"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." ~Marcel Proust
March 12, 2012
Sorting Socks Is SO Much Easier
I mention 'sorting' here as a means to keep from "losing it".
This technique came out of a need to quit making a fool of myself,
getting needlessly and prematurely upset
and reacting irrationally.
Does it always work? I wish there was a 100% guarantee......
There isn't, but this is life remember?
We are going to have a few glitches here and there sometimes.
This just is a preventive measure.
So here's how it goes:
(I should mention this works best if you can talk to yourself out loud. Otherwise our mind can wander to what's for dinner, the score of the game or getting those shoes on sale. I do this while sitting in my car someplace safe or going on a "talk-walk". I try to find places of solitude if possible (so others don't feel a need to call in help). If I do it when I'm driving, I bop my head up and down or side to side as if singing to a song.)
Say for instance I get upset at someone for something they did either to me or that affected me.
* I ask myself:
FEELINGS: Why are you upset?
ME: Because she hurt my feelings.
FEELINGS:Why did it hurt your feelings?
ME: Because she said I don't listen?
ME: No, I was just trying to tell her why I don't like what she did.
ME: She told me I am selfish.
ME: Because I didn't want to listen to her when she started saying what a bad person I am.
ME: Maybe it was mean not to, but it didn't feel good.
Now this could continue on and on. It's like a mini therapy session isn't it? That's exactly what it is! Only it's at our convenience and it's free! Except for the price we have to pay to acknowledge our emotions. Which most of us avoid.
Sorting socks IS so much easier!
Hopefully this made a little sense. If you want to do a "feelings" session back and forth with me we could give it a shot!
Good luck!
"How much has to be explored and discarded before reaching the naked flesh of feeling." ~Claude Debussy
This technique came out of a need to quit making a fool of myself,
getting needlessly and prematurely upset
and reacting irrationally.
Does it always work? I wish there was a 100% guarantee......
There isn't, but this is life remember?
We are going to have a few glitches here and there sometimes.
This just is a preventive measure.
So here's how it goes:
(I should mention this works best if you can talk to yourself out loud. Otherwise our mind can wander to what's for dinner, the score of the game or getting those shoes on sale. I do this while sitting in my car someplace safe or going on a "talk-walk". I try to find places of solitude if possible (so others don't feel a need to call in help). If I do it when I'm driving, I bop my head up and down or side to side as if singing to a song.)
Say for instance I get upset at someone for something they did either to me or that affected me.
* I ask myself:
FEELINGS: Why are you upset?
ME: Because she hurt my feelings.
FEELINGS:Why did it hurt your feelings?
ME: Because she said I don't listen?
FEELINGS: Is that true?
FEELINGS: And what was that?
FEELINGS: Why did she say that?
FEELINGS: Do you think you should have listened?
FEELINGS: So what is wrong to have not put yourself in an uncomfortable situation?
ME: I don't know. Friends should be there for their friends no matter what.
FEELINGS:Even if they are saying hurtful things about you?
ME: Maybe not.
FEELINGS: What is wrong with sticking up for yourself?
ME: Nothing, except I am not used to it.
FEELINGS: Do you think it makes her feel better to say hurtful things to someone she cares about? Do you feel better when you do that?
ME: Of course not.
FEELINGS: Then it not OK to do it period.
ME: But what if she stays mad at me or doesn't talk to me?
FEELINGS: That may happen. You have no control over what she does. Your choices are to take the blame and let her criticize you at her will or to take yourself out of an abusive situation. What do you want?
ME: I want her to be my friend and respect me too.
FEELINGS: Why would she do that on her own if you don't expect it from her?
ME: I don't know. I guess I never thought about it.
FEELINGS: My favorite bald guy Dr. Phil, says that we teach people how to treat us.
ME: I can see that.
FEELINGS: So she was right wasn't she? You didn't listen.
ME: I guess I didn't.
FEELINGS: Sometimes just because someone doesn't like what we did does not mean that it is wrong.
ME: But it felt wrong to upset her.
FEELINGS: Isn't it odd how we worry about upsetting someone else but discount that it's happening to us? And then we scold ourselves for having our feelings?
ME: I see that now.
Sorting socks IS so much easier!
Now when I see her again I can be prepared that she might still be upset. If she wants to talk to me about what happened I am now clear. I can say that I stopped listening because what she was saying was hurting me. That I still would like to be her friend (if that's true) but will leave if it gets uncomfortable. (This also works with family). The ball is now in her court how she will respond to that.
Sometimes when we change the rules it takes awhile for others to adjust. That is another post.
Good luck!
"How much has to be explored and discarded before reaching the naked flesh of feeling." ~Claude Debussy
February 20, 2012
We Ring Around The Rosie Until We All Fall Down
In some books, I have also read this as Ring a Ring o' Roses.
So how many of you have played Ring around the Rosie with your emotions until you all fall down?!
A recent incident of someone else's version reminded me of how often I used to play this childhood game... (as an adult).
Something would be emotionally upsetting for me and I would start singing the song, grabbing the hands of any and everyone around me, forcing them to join in whether they wanted to or not.
We would spin faster and the words would get louder, and muddled together until they were impossible to understand.
Sometimes it was because I was saying them so quickly or loudly (as in yelling them).
And others because they weren't even cohesive.
They no longer made any sense as I added emotion-filled verses that no one knew and that had nothing to do with the original song of point.
Did I mention I was the only one singing? (It was more like a boisterous rap.)
This would continue until I was exhausted and had drained all those in the circle.
It would finally end with ... and they all fall down! as we emotionally collapsed to the ground.
I have since tried to be aware when these feelings start to arise, and work them out through what I call "sorting".
This keeps me from having to publicly go 360 degrees to get to what the real emotion and need is that I am feeling. (And to protect the innocent bystanders.)
"If you don't manage your emotions, then your emotions will manage you." ~Doc Childre and Deborah Rozman, Transforming Anxiety
It also helps preserve the sound of real music.
"Ring a Ring o' Roses"
Roud #7925
Musical variations of Ring a Ring o' Roses, Alice Gomme, 1898.
So how many of you have played Ring around the Rosie with your emotions until you all fall down?!
A recent incident of someone else's version reminded me of how often I used to play this childhood game... (as an adult).
Something would be emotionally upsetting for me and I would start singing the song, grabbing the hands of any and everyone around me, forcing them to join in whether they wanted to or not.
We would spin faster and the words would get louder, and muddled together until they were impossible to understand.
Sometimes it was because I was saying them so quickly or loudly (as in yelling them).
And others because they weren't even cohesive.
They no longer made any sense as I added emotion-filled verses that no one knew and that had nothing to do with the original song of point.
Did I mention I was the only one singing? (It was more like a boisterous rap.)
This would continue until I was exhausted and had drained all those in the circle.
It would finally end with ... and they all fall down! as we emotionally collapsed to the ground.
I have since tried to be aware when these feelings start to arise, and work them out through what I call "sorting".
This keeps me from having to publicly go 360 degrees to get to what the real emotion and need is that I am feeling. (And to protect the innocent bystanders.)
"If you don't manage your emotions, then your emotions will manage you." ~Doc Childre and Deborah Rozman, Transforming Anxiety
It also helps preserve the sound of real music.
"Ring a Ring o' Roses"
Roud #7925
Musical variations of Ring a Ring o' Roses, Alice Gomme, 1898.
Men profess to be lovers of music, but for the most part they give no evidence in their opinions and lives that they have heard it. ~Henry David Thoreau
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