Between The Rocks In Our Lives

We all have rocks in our lives.
Whether we want them there or not.

Everyone of us has rocks somewhere.
If you hear someone claiming they have cleared all the problems  rocks out of their lives forever...get suspicious.
(That could just mean they threw them in their neighbors yard.)

That is because there will always be some boulders in life that are permanent and are too big to remove.
Those may come in the form of health issues, our childhoods or our pasts, loss of loved ones, or other such painful experiences.
And sometimes smaller rocks just "show up".
So what do we do with all of them?

Perhaps with all the rocks, trials and adversity that are a given in the gardens of our lives,  we can plant faith and hope flowers.
We can find and enhance the beauty, the blessings, in spite of our rocky experiences.

When I was in Seattle I found these sweet little flowers growing amidst the rough, hard surfaces surrounding them.

It didn't seem to matter to these fragile plants that they did not have the perfect "environment" that you see in the Cottage Garden magazine.  
They were going to bloom and grow in spite of the limited choices they had.
And in so doing, their surrounding was beautified by their presence.  

 When our life is looking like it is hard to bear, may we get on our knees and dig deep within, creating beauty where we believed there was no place left for any.



"How fair is a garden amid the trials and passions of existence."  ~Benjamin Disraeli  

You're Not The Boss Of Me!

Spending much of my time around children, I have heard this 
manifesto numerous times.
I would ask or are you?


I was driving to the women's jail to sponsor an Al-Anon meeting and this declaration came to my mind.

It struck me because a few weeks earlier at a meeting almost every one of the women there spoke about their families having addiction and/or drinking histories and how they felt the cyclic doom.

I contemplated whether I had anything "bossing" my life around.

These are some of the things that I thought of:


Solitaire- it determines when I go to sleep (depending when I win or how much of a distraction I need.)


Society- decides if I posses noteworthy beauty (Models and beauty pageants come to mind.)


Chocolate cake (really, anything chocolate)- how much I eat is dictated by how delicious it is (or how stressed or tired I am.)


My children- define what kind of mother I am (or I think they do.)


Laziness- exhausts the idea of exercising ( it is also pro-nap.)


My mind- lets negative voices live rent free.  (I am looking for new tenets.)


Bad relationships- claim I am unlovable (and the only imperfect one.)


Numbers- remind me when the bills are due, about my body image (weight and clothes size), how much my financial worth is ( income & credit score), about statistics (am I normal?) (no), and deadlines (thinking-election), and about time (how much or how little I have.)


My upbringing- trying to keep me a victim.


Pets- they get their demands needs met every time.

Negative people- they rain on my parade ( even on a sunny day-if I let them!)


I didn't like the idea of having all these bosses. 
And they don't even pay me!

I self-inquired whether or not I had someone determining the quality of my life and if so, should I?

Yes I do and yes I should.
God is the boss of me whether I like that idea or not.
Good for me I do like that idea.


When I listen to Him and His wisdom,
He guides me.
When I follow His mission statement and rules,
I am blessed.
When I ask for direction,
He gives it.
When I invest in Him,
He multiplies my return.
When I show love to Him,
He loves me back.
When I don't show Him love,
He loves me anyway.
He never fires me,
or asks me to do harmful things,
or belittles me,
or gives up on me.
He only uplifts,
and encourages me.
Believing I am special.
Because the truth is, I am.
He is not only my boss,
but also my Father,
making me His child.


"Nothing so conclusively proves a man's ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself."  ~Thomas J. Watson

If We Could Convert Guilt.....

"If we could convert guilt into fuel, we would never have to visit the gas station again."~Reyna

I can not speak for men, 
But some women, including mothers,
feed ourselves guilt daily.


No, we FEED off of guilt every day.
It is the foundation of our food pyramid.

Guilt has it's place.
I think it's in the back of the refrigerator with that other stuff that needs throwing out.

I know, we can use guilt to our advantage.
If it spurs us to change something for better.

O.K., if it is sinful then it is good prodding,
But many of us make up 'sins'-
Things that could not keep us out of heaven if we wanted them to.
Things that would make God laugh...
Or maybe cry, if He saw what it was doing to us.

We then use those imagined 'sins' to punish ourselves.


Do we know that if something is making us:

Resent those we love,
Feel we are a hopeless, worthless cause,
Show negative physical symptoms,
Despise ourselves,
Want to throw in the towel,
And eat the whole three pound bag of semisweet chocolate chips,
THEN IT IS NOT GOOD FOR US?!


Sure, there are things in our lives that need adjusting.
ADJUSTING people
Not pummeling!


So adapt.
Learn,
Change (or try your darndest) when needed,
and keep going forward.
PROGRESSION not regression remember?!


If guilt is keeping you stuck,
Or worse yet,
Destroying your peace,
IT IS NO LONGER SERVING IT'S PURPOSE.
(Or is it?)

It is time to ask ourselves why are we doing it?
What is the payoff?
And what is the price we will pay if we do not stop?


Mostly ask, "Why do we expect perfection from an imperfect being?
And then beat ourselves up when we don't and can't come through?"
How humane is that?!


That came off a lot little harsh didn't it?
I guess it is because I have been there, done that,
(and still visit sometimes),
And I know the destruction it can leave in its wake.

All we will have to show in the end is more guilt.
It isn't worth it.

Find a new diet.
Or pyramid.

Lighten up.

This is not a ticket to reckless irresponsibility.
But how many of us have marinated in guilt to the point of inertia and misery?
Unnecessarily?

Be gentle with us.
We are all we get,
We are all we got.


Count your blessings (meaning ALL the good you have done).
Name them one by one...
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done (through you!)

 "It is simply not for us to judge each other [or ourselves]. The Lord has reserved that right for Himself, because only He knows our hearts and understands the varying circumstances and complexities of our lives."
— Sheri L. Dew

 

The Freedom to Be Grateful

"Freedom is never free."~ Author Unknown

 I do not think I have ever been so moved to appreciate and feel love for soldiers I have never met.
By hearing the simple spoken word.
In truth it was anything but simple.
It was the most heartfelt and humble testimony I have ever personally heard from a returned Vietnam Vet.

He shared his experience at church yesterday of his coming back from war, to American soil with a group of soldiers.
Many did not make it back.
He explained how one by one each soldier started to cry as their plane approached landing knowing that they were coming "Home".
He told how each of them descended from the airplane, got on bended knee and kissed the ground.

Oh, how I take for granted My Country, My Freedoms, My Blessings, My "Home"- because someone I have never met has fought to preserve them!


God Bless America and ALL Those Who Defend it!!!!

"We have enjoyed so much freedom for so long that we are perhaps in danger of forgetting how much blood it cost to establish the Bill of Rights."~ Felix Frankfurter
 

 

SERIES - #2 I Didn't Expect: To Have Four Boys and Only One Girl

When my daughter heard what this 'topic' was she announced to other family members that it was mean.  I didn't get it (of course, why would I?)

It seems sort of odd to 'expect' what sex your children will be, but that is how my mind was working.

I have always wanted five children but I never really gave thought to the balance.
I just thought there would be one.
Apparently not much thought...
(How do you balance out five anyway?)

Playing with my Barbies, (yes I had Barbies) I never acted out the role 0f a mother of mostly girls or mostly boys.  Even then I just thought it would be 'even'.  (Although there were not many male dolls available.  I only had one.  It was Ken.  (Sometimes my brothers' G.I. Joe, unbeknownst  to him would be around too.)  Mostly it was Ken.  One Ken to octo-Barbies.  Ken loved it!  It was like Mattel polygamy.) 
(Let's pretend I didn't just plant that idea in your mind.)

My first two babies were boys.
By the time I was pregnant with my third child, I thought it would be a girl.
I mean doesn't that make sense?
Two boys to play with each other.
Perfect!

Now let's mix it up a bit.
Give them a little sister.

But it did not happen that way.

Instead I heard, "It's a boy!"
Of course, I loved this baby boy too and I still do.
But I had not anticipated that it would not be  girl.
Who was tipping the scales here?

It would be another lesson for me.

I resolved then that I would be grateful for whatever gender God chose to send me.
And that I would trust that He knew what He was doing.
Don't get me wrong, I was grateful, I just got worried I would never get to experience a daughter.
(I am embarrassed to admit my shallowness.)
(Maybe my daughter is on to something?)

I had read about a faithful man who was the father of five boys and loved it for all the right reasons.
It changed how I felt.
I accepted the fact that I too might be blessed with five boys.

Near the last few months of my fourth pregnancy , the doctor had some concerns that complications might arise so I had to have several ultrasounds.
I was always asked if I wanted to know what the sex was.
I did not.
I figure if I have to wait nine months anyway, I might as well have a surprise in the end.
Isn't that how it has been for thousands of years?
And no one ever gets a refund anyway if they don't get what they expected.

Besides, my personality is such that I would not only have this child's name pre-picked without seeing them, but I would already have planned what kind of child they were going to be (see 'Preconceived Notion' post) and what extra curricular events they would be involved in, to what their favorite everything was and where they were going to college...before they were even born!

So I waited until the day.
"It's a girl!"
She really was unexpected!

She was a blessed addition to our male family.
It was added spice.
I said, "It is like having salt and pepper now!"
(Are those spices?)
Nooo cooking for you Reyna!

Then not even two years later,
Again I heard, "It's a boy!"
And my last child was absolutely perfect!
I was so happy to have him too!

I had grown enough by then not to think about whether it was a boy or girl.
I was grateful that all my children were born strong and healthy.
No more 'balancing' thoughts.
(Of course ten years had also passed-more mature perspective maybe?)


Then my divorce came.
When that happened, I got amnesia and I forgot about the part up on top here where I said, "[I] trust that He knew what He was doing" ( when he blessed me with mostly boys).
I questioned, mostly to the air so as not to speak disrespectfully, directly to God, "Why did God give me all these boys to raise alone?  I know nothing about boys.  I've had very few men in my life.  How am I supposed to raise boys?"
(It was my 'pity-me' cry.)

But it would not be long before those questions were answered.
Testosterone vs Hormones that's why!!

My sister has three girls very close to my childrens' age and as they matured (if you know what I mean...)
it became evident what a wise and loving and understanding and compassionate God He was.
Thank goodness for off-balance.
Thank goodness that He knew what He was doing!

Disclaimer:Nothing against girls-I happen to be one.
It's just that I was not a very good sharer when it came to who gets to play the monthly, lead role in Mommy Dearest.  Or is it Psycho?
Imagine if I would have had to fight for the part with 4-5 other females?!
Thank goodness those days are past.
(Back to the main focus here.)

I would not want any of my children to be any thing other that exactly what God sent.
Who was that crazy, 'I-want-balance-woman??!'
I know her.
She is OK now.
She has received help.  Thank goodness!

The help came in the form of four boys and one girl!
Therapy by design!
Designed by the Ultimate Creator of all time.

P.S.  I want to add what an absolute blessing it has been for me that God entrusted five of His special spirits to me.

In whatever form.

That I have had the privilege of giving birth to five wonderful, beautiful children.

That I was granted one of the two things I really ever wanted in life; to be a mother.

I know that I make sarcastic comments sometimes and kid around but I would NEVER change that part of my life!

This past summer I had major surgery.  

I had to sign a consent form acknowledging that I would never be able to have children again.

I have had my time to do that and have no desire to do that part of my life again, but somehow just the act of having to conscientiously sign that divine right away made me very sad.

It also brought a tremendous amount of gratitude to God for allowing my body to be healthy and work properly at the time needed so that I could be the means of transporting those precious babies to this Earth!

"I never knew how much love my heart could hold until someone called me "mommy."~Author Unknown

 

Preconceived Notion

"I did my best parenting before I had children."

 
I had this preconceived notion before I had children of what kind of parent I was going to be.
Also of how my children were going to behave.
Of how we as a family were NEVER going to do that-
Whatever that was. 
We were not going to do it!

For example:

I was NEVER going to yell at my children.  Get upset maybe, but NEVER get so upset that I felt a need to yell, let alone actually yell.

My children would NEVER act out in public.
Or any place for that matter.
Because of course all I would have to do would be to tell them once what kind of behavior was expected of them and they would behave that way.
All of the time.

I would NEVER have bratty children.
I would ALWAYS be so proud of their behavior.


And if my children had siblings, they would ALWAYS treat them kindly and with love.
They would ALWAYS protect their sibling and NEVER do anything to hurt them.

If I ever had boys, (so I got four) they would NEVER drive their little cars around someone else's coffee table scratching it up.

They would NEVER break a neighbors window or one of ours while playing baseball with rocks.

They would NEVER think of spraying hairspray (yes I use hairspray-something I would never do) on flies to stop them in flight.
Or put duct tape on their siblings leg to see 'what will happen'.

I would NEVER have children who talk back.
Or EVER showed any form of disrespect (including eye-rolling).
ESPECIALLY my teenagers!


I would ALWAYS be patient.
I would be glad to answer the 'why' questions no matter how many my children would ask.
And I would answer them all.
Patiently of course.
With the correct answers.
And if I did not know the answer, I would look it up and get back to them.
I would NEVER forget to do that.


My children would NEVER have to go to the principals office or get in trouble with the law in any way.
Ever.


They would not be the ones who talk in class or who get their name on the board or who have to stay in from recess (do children even have recess anymore?).

I would be the room parent and love every minute of it hoping to organize more school carnival fundraisers.


My children would ALWAYS go right to bed when asked and NOT get up and ask for a drink or forget to tell me something really important.
And I would NEVER yell at them to get back in bed and make them cry because 'they were just trying to tell me they loved me'.
NEVER!


I would NEVER question why I became a mother.
I would ALWAYS be sure and confident that I was a blessing to them.
And of course I would ALWAYS remember what a blessing they were to me.


I would ALWAYS know why God entrusted me with His child.
Why He believed that of all the homes on Earth that ours was the best place to send this child.

I would NEVER feel inadequate or frustrated or scared.
I would ALWAYS know that I was doing the right thing.

I would NEVER cry because I felt like I was failing as a parent.
Or like I was not cut out for this job.
I would NEVER want to quit or question why I thought this was such a good idea.

And the one thing I know for SURE is that I would NEVER, EVER, EVER stop loving this child!

And that is the ONE thing that I was ABSOLUTELY, one-hundred percent right about!

Even BEFORE I ever really became a parent.

"I am a very patient, loving, understanding and calm mother... until my children get home from school."

"The greatest work you will ever do is within the walls of your own home."~Harold B. Lee