Let's Go For A Heart Ride

I was reluctant to just jump on the white horse with him at the invite and ride away although I knew him well.  It's just that it had been over thirty years since I had last rode with him.  The seventeen year old said, 'just go', the older version said, 'hang on a minute'.

Questions internally arose from me such as, 'Once you're a knight are you always a knight or have you become a distinguished King?'  And conscientious concerns like,' Does he realize too that princesses age and mature into (maybe not so stately) Queens?'

Things had changed.  He now owned a horse named Harley who sported leather and I had retired not only the Daisy Duke wardrobe I'd borrowed but what had fit into it.  Carefree youthfulness was taken away by maturity in the form of children, jobs, ex's, bills and other responsibilities.  Things that we before never knew existed in our youth (or at least couldn't care less about) had now become our common daily concerns.

But no matter how many years had passed I still had not become so mature that I had outgrown the belief in fantasy.  I was just more cautious, slower to be swooped away- trying not to jump on just any inviting horse ride.  I had had my share of long, lonely treks back from deserted castles and wasn't looking to travel that route again anytime soon.

However, age doesn't erase dreams, at least not completely.  The-little-girl-turned-woman who believes in fairy-tales still yearns for a happily-ever-after ending, even when experience has taught that it is a lot harder to come by than good ol' Walt portrayed.  And I had had my share of tin-foiled knights to prove that.

Still he came.  Inviting.  Fun and adventure didn't await 'down the road' it was right away.  Right now.   Boy, when you become conscious and appreciative of life's time-line itself, 'right now' is more than just alluring, it's practical and even more appealing.

Not having to do initial introductions and take time to build impressive facades saved us a lot of time.  Quality time.  Because we had already been there.  Plus it was extremely relaxing and comfortable just 'being'.

Passing years had been good to us as we had done much of our "growing" away from each other and now came open handed to share the 'fruits-of-our-labors' - the product of our efforts.  There is something uncharacteristically romantic about the transformation of a reformed, flimsy, tin-foil boy into a shiny knight without actually watching the process, but reaping the rewards.

 Maybe in some ways the years had helped us learn not to 'sweat the small stuff ' and at the same time it magnified them.  Experience just helps you to categorize better, straining out the small things that are trivial and unimportant in the big scheme of things, and appreciating the things that used to seem so 'small'.  

Castles look different at mid-life than they did at eighteen.  So do the occupants.  And the expectations of those occupants.  I don't know if it's a place of permanent residence, but it is nice to visit and have a "Disney-call" as one should never be too old to dream and to take, if nothing else, just one more ride down that road on that horse.

The Blog Crumb Trail

I am still relatively new to the technology world.

My children would probably say that I just know blogging.
Which is true...to some extent (as that is even limited.)
As for other tech stuff.... 

I don't know how to play Wii,
I don't know how to use an ATM card,
And my phone still has a cord.  
(Well not the one that I put in my purse, but that one is very old.
It's latest and only feature is taking  blurry pictures.  I think it's memory can hold up to three max.)


So even though I "know" blogging, I don't.

I get lost.

Like Hansel and Gretal my blog crumbs are gone when I try to return.


Has that ever happened to you?!

I have been sitting at the computer for so long without getting up I would have a beard if I were a man,
(I guess my armpit hair is growing instead),
And I have come across some very interesting and amazing sites during that time.
The problem is, I don't know how I got to them.


Therefore, I am unable to return.


Small, shiny, 'bookmark' white stones don't work for me either.


So, I may end up at the cake and candy house.
(Which on many days wouldn't seem like such a bad idea as sugar and I are the best of friends),
Except for the cannibalistic witch who resides there.


It's true, she does end up charred (like my knight)
Which is all fine and dandy, but I am still left wandering in the forest of blogs.

So, more learning for me it is.

  

"It is questionable if all the mechanical inventions yet made have lightened the day's toil of any human being."  ~John Stuart Mill  

Sometimes Your Knight In Shining Armor Is Just A Retard In Tin Foil

Granted I naively believed the name Sir Reynold Wrap meant he must be a noble man.
With a name like that how could he not be?


I remember questioning how someone who was so perfect could still be available?!
How had he flown under the radar of all the desperate-single-women-seeking-a-good-man?

I concluded it must be because no one else had been able to see his 'potential' quite the way I had.

They saw a foil dinner.
I saw a gourmet meal.


They saw reality.
I saw what I wanted and needed to see.


That, was someone who would make me feel special,
Maybe even make me BE special.
(At least that is what his words promised.)

Someone who would require some work,
But not anything that I myself could not help 'fix'.


I saw a distraction.
A good-looking one, which made it all that much easier.

Others saw red flags.
I saw my favorite color.

Shockingly (only to me), when it came time to face commitment in battle and the heat was on, 
All I found was charred remains of my foiled 'knight.'

I had wanted to blame him for not living up to what I knew he could have been.
For him showing up on his white, spay-painted, (in actuality) black-horse.
And for convincing me that the paint cans were not his.
That someone just happened to leave them at his house.
(At least that is what he said.)



But I kept coming back to the fact that I had formed the foil into a knight.
I had put my heart into it.
It had taken quite a bit of my time,
And a lot of my creativity and imagination.
Also countless trips to Denial to get all the information needed to construct him.




I had used the 'extra strong, heavy duty' type to fabricate my needs,
so recovery took even longer.


Have you ever tried to smooth out foil after it has been used?
You can never get all the wrinkles out and make it as shiny and new as it was in the beginning.
You can roll it back up and tell yourself lies, but you can never fully restore it to how it was  before you touched it,
No matter how hard you try....


What I did learn that was that I could try again.
That only I

could prevent future unnecessary torching of my heart and dreams that turned to ashes.
I could better use the facts I had previously ignored and improve my judgment.

I vowed in the future to use clear plastic wrap,

And to look for  Sir Calgon instead of Reynold if I ever wanted someone to 'take me away' again. 

"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)