Now I Really AM Sure

Do you ever think you are going to do something (at least in your mind) and then when the chance arises it does not play out how you had envisioned?

Well that happened to me a couple weeks ago.

Remember when I said, "Don't Be So Sure"? 
I quote myself as saying then, " I wish I could say a sincere thank you to this man for doing what he did and all that it taught."

Well, I guess for me anyway, writing something and actually following through with my written intentions are not the same thing.  

This man came into my place of work again and I did not do what I had vowed I would, given the chance.
I don't know why.
For one thing it wasn't my table.
Another excuse was because the timing wasn't "right".
But mostly it was probably because I really wasn't sure what I was going to say & how I was going to start it.
"Um, by the way, I was glad you didn't hate me or at least show me you did.  Thanks."

After he left I had sentiment of unresolved remorse, feeling like a hypocrite telling you all that I would do this, but not following through when I had the chance.

I re-vowed that day that I would not again let the opportunity pass if it arose once more.
Well, today was the day.
It started out the same.
Not my table.
Not sure what to say.
But what was different today is I told the girl I was working with (a different one from the original encounter) that I needed to say something to one of her customers.

Enter Mr. Excuse and his buddies, imposing thoughts of embarrassment to all 3 of us (the man was with a friend again) and ideas that it might ruin his appetite and moment of conversation, so I retracted.
But my young co-worker (oh naivete) did not forget and inquired whether I had had a chance to talk to him yet.

So Procrastination being one of my non-birth-certificate-names waited until he was leaving.
Like, literally out-the-door-leaving when I chased him down.

I asked if he knew who I was.
Yes he did.
I said that I wanted to thank him for being kind and professional (or some awkward, not even making sense statement) and guess what?
He said he didn't think we should hold on to (negative) things like that.
I said I blogged about it (great line right, telling some estranged person you wrote about the thought that they might be a jerk?!) and I said I had really appreciated what he did.
And you know what?
He thanked me!
Yep, He. Thanked. Me.
Now I am sure he is a man traveling a higher road than I.

I want to say that I know all imagined and even hoped for second chances may not end up as positive as this one did for me. 
Nevertheless, I would encourage you to confront your situation if you feel a need.
Because even if he would have reacted in an opposing way, my heart would be at peace (after mourning) knowing I gave it an honest attempt.

"Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone."  ~G.B. Stern

Make Her Quit Looking At Me!

Remember the Mirror/s?

The past couple of days I did not like the reflection I was seeing.
In my mirror!

Because it was none other than me!


I could not blame it on my carnival/gypsy past
(because I never had one),
Nor could I accuse someone else, as I was the one yelling,
"Who is the fairest one of all?!" 
(Or at least whose opinions are?)

Thank goodness my son who was on the other end of the line,
cleared the blur by wiping my mirror off with Windex or some other humbling cleaning product (he had to hang up the phone to do it.)


When he called me back and spoke just of the 'good parts' of what I had said,
I commended him for being such an amazing son, husband, father, and man.

He said it was because I was the fairest one of all.

Well, what he really said was that it was because he was my son (that it was because I was his mom.)


I would like to take all the credit for him taking the higher road,
but my method of forgiving is a lot more bumpy and has a slow ascent, incline(ation).
I am no where near as mature or as loving and quick to pardon and forget as he was.

Thank you for looking past all my the cracks and imperfections!

"Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury."~E.H. Chapin