September 4, 2014
Child's Art Work
September 2, 2014
I Would Say I Eat My Feelings.......
"I would say I eat my feelings, but let's be real, that's too expensive."
This is a quote that one of my children (poor college-age-student) made up that I just love, because not only did it make me laugh, but it is so true!
I don't know about you, but sometimes (more oft than not), I find myself eating even when I'm not really hungry. I might even go so far as to continue to eat, stuffing myself when there is no longer "room" in my stomach or when the food no longer even tastes good.
I guess sometimes it just gives me something to do, to fill boredom, but I'm going to be real here.....that is not the main reason I do it.
Sometimes I'm aware that I'm just plain greedy, fearing I won't get that good kind of delicious food (or drink) again (because it cost money and cooking know-how skills!) so I fill up-way past full, letting the fear of "lack-of" control me.
And although I don't think I have fully identified all the reasons I eat too much, one I have taken note of, is when I am hurting. Like a heart-hurt. Sweets can literally feel like they are sugar-coating the pain, although it is only temporary. So sometimes I resort to that. (It can also be too expensive to indulge in the desserts I would really like!?)
Other times, when I'm angry, eating is more pleasant than cleaning; something that my sister does when she is upset. (I guess that is why her house is clean and......well, you know...Old Mother Hubbard comes to mine.)
But as much as I don't want to admit it, one of the main reasons I overeat is when I am not liking myself. I then am using the very thing I need to keep me alive, as a weapon against myself. It is I guess, some sort of way to punish myself. To perhaps make my outside look and feel as yucky, as unlovable, as my inside does. That way there is no doubt that the lies I am telling myself are true, because they are now visibly evident even to others on the outside.
It doesn't make sense does it? Or maybe it does, on some subconscious level. Because it can start out gradual or subtlety where I am not yet consciously making the correlation. Where it is not yet out of control. Where I am just indulging "this time". Before it gets out of hand.
Possibly, that is how addictions start. From a moment of "just this time". Ending up in an out-of-control-I-don't-want-to-be-here place. Which was not our original intention.
I could go on as there are myriad reasons why we do what we do. I just wanted to share a few.
This I do know: if I am trying to numbingly "eat" my way out of my uncomfortable feelings, it is something I cannot emotionally and physically, healthily afford to do, as, that IS a price way too expensive to pay!
"If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution." ~Author Unknown
This is a quote that one of my children (poor college-age-student) made up that I just love, because not only did it make me laugh, but it is so true!
I don't know about you, but sometimes (more oft than not), I find myself eating even when I'm not really hungry. I might even go so far as to continue to eat, stuffing myself when there is no longer "room" in my stomach or when the food no longer even tastes good.
I guess sometimes it just gives me something to do, to fill boredom, but I'm going to be real here.....that is not the main reason I do it.
Sometimes I'm aware that I'm just plain greedy, fearing I won't get that good kind of delicious food (or drink) again (because it cost money and cooking know-how skills!) so I fill up-way past full, letting the fear of "lack-of" control me.
And although I don't think I have fully identified all the reasons I eat too much, one I have taken note of, is when I am hurting. Like a heart-hurt. Sweets can literally feel like they are sugar-coating the pain, although it is only temporary. So sometimes I resort to that. (It can also be too expensive to indulge in the desserts I would really like!?)
Other times, when I'm angry, eating is more pleasant than cleaning; something that my sister does when she is upset. (I guess that is why her house is clean and......well, you know...Old Mother Hubbard comes to mine.)
But as much as I don't want to admit it, one of the main reasons I overeat is when I am not liking myself. I then am using the very thing I need to keep me alive, as a weapon against myself. It is I guess, some sort of way to punish myself. To perhaps make my outside look and feel as yucky, as unlovable, as my inside does. That way there is no doubt that the lies I am telling myself are true, because they are now visibly evident even to others on the outside.
It doesn't make sense does it? Or maybe it does, on some subconscious level. Because it can start out gradual or subtlety where I am not yet consciously making the correlation. Where it is not yet out of control. Where I am just indulging "this time". Before it gets out of hand.
Possibly, that is how addictions start. From a moment of "just this time". Ending up in an out-of-control-I-don't-want-to-be-here place. Which was not our original intention.
I could go on as there are myriad reasons why we do what we do. I just wanted to share a few.
This I do know: if I am trying to numbingly "eat" my way out of my uncomfortable feelings, it is something I cannot emotionally and physically, healthily afford to do, as, that IS a price way too expensive to pay!
"If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution." ~Author Unknown
August 19, 2014
Ma'am....
"Ma'am"....
DEF: (Ma'am is used as a title of respect, especially when addressing female royalty)
Considering I was at Home Depot.....I wasn't especially feeling like royalty, but that's what he said.
"Excuse me, ma'am."
I looked up expectedly waiting for him to say, "Umm, those light bulbs you are buying are energy-depleting" or, "You have a piece of toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe."
But he didn't say either.
He said, "That is a beautiful dress."
My immediate, impulsively, reactive, reaction was to say, "Oohhhhwww, Cannn I takke youu homme?"
But instead I opted for a big sheepish smile and the more royal civility of, "Thankkk Youuu!"
Who needs light-bulbs after that?! Way to light up my day!!!
August 17, 2014
The S.A.M. Story Update
Similar to a Hallmark movie I was watching, the authors' reading audience wanted to know if her male character in the romance book was real, as they had fallen in love with him. I had that same question come up with the S.A.M. Story.
Here are the facts:
The S.A.M. Story was based on a "real" person I met, but the happenings after the initial meeting are fictional.
The actual second, story-based-meeting and experience between us as written about, never came into fruition although it might have been fun to have had that opportunity and see what really would have happened.
Ofttimes made-up stories have better plots and endings because we can dictate the outcome to be how we would like, also forming relational characters to be as someone we "dream of" meeting. That's the fun part!
Time itself can teach you a lot of things you never knew or were aware of before, about yourselves and others.
It was a fun experience and I learned a lot in writing that story, as I had never written a "short love story" before. I would try my hand at it again.
I am starting to work on another story:)
You were a GREAT audience! THANK YOU!
Here are the facts:
The S.A.M. Story was based on a "real" person I met, but the happenings after the initial meeting are fictional.
The actual second, story-based-meeting and experience between us as written about, never came into fruition although it might have been fun to have had that opportunity and see what really would have happened.
Ofttimes made-up stories have better plots and endings because we can dictate the outcome to be how we would like, also forming relational characters to be as someone we "dream of" meeting. That's the fun part!
Time itself can teach you a lot of things you never knew or were aware of before, about yourselves and others.
It was a fun experience and I learned a lot in writing that story, as I had never written a "short love story" before. I would try my hand at it again.
I am starting to work on another story:)
You were a GREAT audience! THANK YOU!
August 16, 2014
Give, Oh! Give Away
I went to the funeral today of a dear friend who died suddenly and unexpectedly last Sun. He was just a few months younger than me. Births and weddings and funerals cause me to reflect on life. Not about do babies really come directly from God's home in heaven, or whether marriages can last for eternity, or do we continue to live after death, in heaven, because I know those things are true.
But to reflect about my life. About the life I am living. Am I living a life that will leave the earth a better place for me being here? Am I practicing what I profess to believe?
If anyone was an example of that, it was my friend. He showed that the important things in life were not things, but people, and showing love and kindness to them. He showed it by asking his family each day, "Have I told you yet today that I love you?" He showed his wife of 30 some years by still treating her as the love of his life. He showed it to others by helping in any way he could. He would of helped you if he could have, never even having met you before. In his eyes, everyone was God's child who deserved and he expected should be treated as such. And he did just that.
I wrote how devastating my divorce was here and it was he who helped me in an ecclesiastical way to get through it. Because I was emotionally incoherent at the time, I could not accurately tell you how many times in at least a year, I sought his help and counsel to get me through that period of my life. Even calling him at his home at all hours, being it early or late. He not once told me to just get over it, to come back or call later, or that he did not have time right then. He listened, and he encouraged and he believed. In me. He believed in my value and worth as a daughter of God. And he helped me to believe that, even when there was not even enough self love and self esteem within me to fill a teaspoon. He gave me hope. He literally helped me stay alive when I no longer wanted to.
He is a modern-day living example of Christ like love. Something I would like to be tried and convicted of someday.
Thank you Dan. You are a Good Man!
Here a song his family sang each week which is the life he lived:
But to reflect about my life. About the life I am living. Am I living a life that will leave the earth a better place for me being here? Am I practicing what I profess to believe?
If anyone was an example of that, it was my friend. He showed that the important things in life were not things, but people, and showing love and kindness to them. He showed it by asking his family each day, "Have I told you yet today that I love you?" He showed his wife of 30 some years by still treating her as the love of his life. He showed it to others by helping in any way he could. He would of helped you if he could have, never even having met you before. In his eyes, everyone was God's child who deserved and he expected should be treated as such. And he did just that.
I wrote how devastating my divorce was here and it was he who helped me in an ecclesiastical way to get through it. Because I was emotionally incoherent at the time, I could not accurately tell you how many times in at least a year, I sought his help and counsel to get me through that period of my life. Even calling him at his home at all hours, being it early or late. He not once told me to just get over it, to come back or call later, or that he did not have time right then. He listened, and he encouraged and he believed. In me. He believed in my value and worth as a daughter of God. And he helped me to believe that, even when there was not even enough self love and self esteem within me to fill a teaspoon. He gave me hope. He literally helped me stay alive when I no longer wanted to.
He is a modern-day living example of Christ like love. Something I would like to be tried and convicted of someday.
Thank you Dan. You are a Good Man!
Here a song his family sang each week which is the life he lived:
“Give,” Said the Little Stream
“Give,” said the little stream,
“Give, oh! give,
give, oh! give.”
“Give,” said the little stream,
As it hurried down the hill;
“I’m small, I know, but wherever I go,
The fields grow greener still.”
Singing, singing all the day,
“Give away, oh! give away.”
Singing, singing all the day,
“Give, oh! give away.”
Words: Fanny J.
Crosby, 1820-1915
Music: William B.
Bradbury, 1816-1868
Deuteronomy 16:17
August 14, 2014
HOLD ON....If I Could Say Anything It Would Be..HOLD ON
I hope what I am about to say comes off with love and empathy and in NO WAY sounds judgmental as that is the last thing I would want to do.
There have been many times in my life where I have struggled...."just to get through" sometimes each minute......this one (my divorce) was probably one of the most difficult of all....
If I would be able to say anything to others who struggle, it would be to say, Hold On....try to hold on,... and if you have to, hold on to something or someone else positive, until you are able to find hope again.........it was during this time, I learned the difference between sadness vs hopelessness.....I could never have done it on my own......
Although, I would have eliminated that experience if I could have at the time,...that trial literally has been the start of a positive new life course I am grateful Beyond Words to be on today.
http://theunexpectedlife2010.blogspot.com/2010/03/series-1-i-didnt-expect-to-be-divorced.html
There have been many times in my life where I have struggled...."just to get through" sometimes each minute......this one (my divorce) was probably one of the most difficult of all....
If I would be able to say anything to others who struggle, it would be to say, Hold On....try to hold on,... and if you have to, hold on to something or someone else positive, until you are able to find hope again.........it was during this time, I learned the difference between sadness vs hopelessness.....I could never have done it on my own......
Although, I would have eliminated that experience if I could have at the time,...that trial literally has been the start of a positive new life course I am grateful Beyond Words to be on today.
http://theunexpectedlife2010.blogspot.com/2010/03/series-1-i-didnt-expect-to-be-divorced.html
August 10, 2014
If You Have The Faith.....
This morning I was invited to go to the juvenile detention center and share a message with the youth. My companion shared with them a story about having the faith of a mustard seed.
It brought me back to a time in my life when I'm not even sure I had that much (or that little) faith.
As much as a mustard seed.
But I remember wanting to.
Being desperate for assistance and answers.
Needing to know.
It was a time when all I could do was to get through each day, actually some days it was each hour and sometimes literally from minute to minute.
It was a time I felt so alone, and terrified that I couldn't do it.
I couldn't do this "life" thing that I was expected to live.
It was just too much.
So I started to give up.
And I wondered what I was even doing here.
You know, in this life, flailing, when there were others who were eager and way more deserving, losing their heroic battle they were so diligently and honorably fighting.
I felt like a thief- of precious space and air of others- who were way more worthy than me.
Frantically, as a last resort, I utilized what small particle of faith I had, and asked, well, begged for help.
I needed to know that there was a God and that I could and would get help to do this "assignment" given me here on this Earth- to be a mother and raise His children.
To use my heart and gifts in the way He intended me to.
So I prayed for the knowledge that I was not alone, and that I could do this "game of life".
And it came.
Slowly but consistently.
It came.
And that tiny seed grew until, although I wasn't as stellar as I would have liked, I did it.
With a lot of help!
And that reckless desire has manifested itself, years down the road, in children I am proud to
have been entrusted with, with a joyous, full mustard-seeded-heart!
"At the point where hope would otherwise become hopelessness, it becomes faith." ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
It brought me back to a time in my life when I'm not even sure I had that much (or that little) faith.
As much as a mustard seed.
But I remember wanting to.
Being desperate for assistance and answers.
Needing to know.
It was a time when all I could do was to get through each day, actually some days it was each hour and sometimes literally from minute to minute.
It was a time I felt so alone, and terrified that I couldn't do it.
I couldn't do this "life" thing that I was expected to live.
It was just too much.
So I started to give up.
And I wondered what I was even doing here.
You know, in this life, flailing, when there were others who were eager and way more deserving, losing their heroic battle they were so diligently and honorably fighting.
I felt like a thief- of precious space and air of others- who were way more worthy than me.
Frantically, as a last resort, I utilized what small particle of faith I had, and asked, well, begged for help.
I needed to know that there was a God and that I could and would get help to do this "assignment" given me here on this Earth- to be a mother and raise His children.
To use my heart and gifts in the way He intended me to.
So I prayed for the knowledge that I was not alone, and that I could do this "game of life".
And it came.
Slowly but consistently.
It came.
And that tiny seed grew until, although I wasn't as stellar as I would have liked, I did it.
With a lot of help!
And that reckless desire has manifested itself, years down the road, in children I am proud to
have been entrusted with, with a joyous, full mustard-seeded-heart!
"At the point where hope would otherwise become hopelessness, it becomes faith." ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
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