What Is YOUR Speed Limit?

Do you know what your speed limit is?
  
Not the one on the main street closest to your house or on your most frequented routes, but the one that your life is comfortable running on.

Have you ever felt like you were "driving" faster than you could keep up with? 
That your life resembled the autobahn with no limit except your interpretation?
That you might almost lose control on those unexpected curves in life?

Or maybe that you aren't moving at all? 
Stuck in life's "traffic jams" at a standstill-feeling like the progress is so slow it feels as if there in none being made-although the speed limit is greater than zero?!

Let's think about some real speed limits in life.

When there are very little obstructions and distractions and life is "good" per se, we can zoom on down life's road at highway speed, often even using cruise control.
This can be a time to "visit" or relax (sometimes almost falling asleep) and just enjoy the ride.
We don't have to worry about much stop and go.  We aren't even the one pushing the gas pedal.  

Other times there are many busy things going on around us so we are more cautious and use downtown business speed.
For safety of the steady to and fro it requires that we pay added attention and react accordingly, watching diligently for the unexpected. 
This is not a place to be complacent.
This may be the speed we most frequently drive at with stress adrenaline running high.

Residential speed is set for the safety of pedestrians, pets and local traffic.
It is to protect our loved ones.
Especially those who may not be able to protect themselves.
It can get easy in our hustle and bustle in life to forget about these special beings and use the inappropriately dangerous highway speed limit to "rush through life" past our loved ones.

Other times when we are at a learning stage in our lives, we need to remember the 15 MPH
school zone limit.
Yes, it is one of the slower speeds but it too has been established to protect the innocent.
The reduced speed helps us respect the crossing therapist guard whose job it is to safely help his students get to the other side of our (life's) road.

Then there are the exceptions of speed limits.
The temporary.
As is the case in construction zones.
There is a lot of work going on, unusual situations, detours, and human beings working very close in harms way.
There is a double fine (or extremely high one) if caught speeding in a construction zone.
For very good reason.
It is a precarious situation.
Why then when our lives are "under construction" because of an adversity in life do we not offer ourselves those same respectful exceptions and added safety measures?

Perhaps one we use the most is the traffic control one.
The one where we are obstinately obedient and follow the "safe limit" because we are being "watched".
Where our choices are based on whether or not we think we could "get in trouble" .
When integrity is gone and our chances of "being caught" are what determines our behavior.

Since our lives are constantly, unpredictably changing, our most healthy consistent alternative is the variable speed limit.
The one that monitors conditions and changes accordingly as needed. 

Some people grew up in a variable speed home county and follow directions faithfully, knowing that some slowing while driving through life is just temporary and they accept and enjoy whatever the life pace that has been set for them.
Others like me.....
Well, at some point, life's "construction" should have a finishing deadline in place and I, the privilege of enjoying the journey and not just blankly driving to my "destination". 

"No person shall drive a vehicle upon a highway at a speed greater than is reasonable... and in no event at a speed which endangers the safety of persons or property".^[19]

^{"Yes, Officer, I did see the speed limit sign. I just didn't see you." ~Author Unknown}

I Love You More Than...

I was talking to my 5 year old granddaughter on (or through?) Skype and her parting goodbye started with;
I love you more than squirrels love nuts.
Me: I love you more than dolphins love water.
Her: I love you more than the Pillsbury Doughboy loves a baking convention.

Who can top that?!!

If Eyes Could Talk

If eyes could talk what would they say?

Well, I believe that eyes do talk.
But they talk in sign language.
Emotional sign language.

(Isn't there a quote that says the eyes are the windows to our souls?)

If we are not "watching" and looking into the eyes of someone who is "speaking" in more than words, we may miss it.
Vocal words are not even necessary to "hear" when someone is internally happy or sad or heaven forbid, seductive.  (For some reason the latter is one of the most easily read messages?!)
Just look at their eyes. 

It can be fun and easy and emotionally much more comfortable to send a message just as I am doing here or via text or some other technological mode, but there is no substitute for human interaction.
For reading and seeing into the spirit, the soul of someone whose emotions may only be able to be expressed in their eyes.

We have all probably seen (or even been the one delivering ourselves) someone whose words did not match their eyes, their true feelings.
Someone who is saying they are happy or fine but whose reflection you see as masking some pain.

So just for today (sounds like my AL-anon pamphlet) look into just one person's eyes as you interact with them and maybe for the first time "see" them in a different way.
That someone may even be you, hiding behind a verbal facade. 

Then take the time to ask what is really being said.
(That's the hard part isn't it?  Which is why we will often "look the other way".)

Often, all that is needed from us is just a listening, understanding ear.
Then come back and share what happened.  (My eyes are sparkling with anticipating adventure and challenge right now!)


"Tearless grief bleeds inwardly".  ~Christian Nevell Bovee

 

Don't Be So Sure

I started a new job, and thus more new lessons.  Here is one:

In alternating tables as we do, I looked over to the two people seated at the table that would be mine to serve, and realized that one of the men was the husband of a former teacher and employee I had worked with.  His wife was someone I had jointly testified to the School Board against and who was subsequently fired.  Being a small community, it had caused much turmoil and grief as well as embarrassment to her and her family.  All these thoughts crossed my mind as I wondered how to get out of the situation.

I tried to get the attention of the other server to see if she would trade tables with me but to no avail.  She had started the order with her table and he was a looker to boot so I knew she wasn’t going to give him up.  All I could do was go forth.

Believing from the start that I would be snubbed and treated rudely, I reluctantly put on my best poker/lawyer face as my attorney sister calls it and proceeded to set them up and take their drink order.   I was relieved when the first interaction went as any other one might with any other unfamiliar patron showing no apparent recognition on his part for who I was.  Or so he acted: but I believe he knew, that he was just being decent, maybe for his lunch companion’s sake.

I imagined him telling his companion what I had done and what an evil person I was. I prepared myself to be uncomfortable but professional through their lunch also telling myself that I should not expect a tip or if one was left, to prepare for an insulting one: just to remind me of the hard feelings that we had left with.  I imagined the companion might follow his lead.

I proceeded to follow the usual routine up until the end; with no mention of recognition the whole time while taking the order, refilling drinks, clearing the table, and leaving the check.   As he approached the front desk to pay, I wished I had been in the back so as not to have been the one who had to face him at this crucial, telling, final moment.  His change was .02 cents.   When he didn’t  say, “Keep the change” or hand it back to me, I was even more offended, feeling it deep in my gut that I wasn’t even worth a two-cent insult.
After they left, I walked over to finish cleaning the table off expecting the worst and noticed a proper tip.  They had had separate bills and each left a tip.  My heart was touched by it all as I learned some valuable lessons.

I learned that not everyone is going to act in the way I think they might.  That I was wrong about this man’s character.  If he felt any animosity towards me, he kept it to himself and did not display it in some immature way as could have very easily been done.
 
I learned that maybe not everyone wants to or does carry grudges, or at best let them influence their actions and behavior.

I learned that my fears were uncalled for.  That I had set myself up for something that didn’t exist or ever happen.  I had pessimistically made this into a tense experience with no cause except my own insecurities.

I learned that I would have been able to handle rejection had I had to and should not have been preparing myself to take it personally.  That this man’s tip had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him, and because of that fact, his failure to tip would have been about whom he was and not a determination of my worth.  The same as his choice to tip did not determine that I had done anything special or that he liked me personally.

I sadly realize that I would have let two cents be the difference on how the rest of my day went.  Two cents!  How many times have we lost a full day in our lives over two cents?!  I ashamedly confess I often have.

I learned that had I not taken that table, I would not have learned these valuable lessons.  I would have made preconceived judgments of what I positively thought would happen and would have been grateful I did not have to work that table, because I was sure it would have been a negative experience.  Wrong.

I have been blessed by this experience.  I wish I could say a sincere thank you to this man for doing what he did and all that it taught. 

And I hope in the future, before I close opportunities I will be open to some valuable lessons worth way more than two cents. 
 
It was the best tip I got all day!

The Perfect Magnifying Glass

The perfect magnifying glass is something that might be helpful if more of us used it.
Or maybe I should say, used it properly.

This magnifying glass finds "perfect" people, things, and situations.
You know, the Soandsos who never struggle with weight, or looking their best, or who never have financial struggles-heck-look at all the nice stuff they have! 
And don't forget how loving and close their family is, and how all their children are happy, healthy, high achievers!
They don't even have anything bad happen to them.  The trials that befall so many of us seem to somehow pass over them.  How does that happen?!  Well, because they are perfect of course!!  Some people just have it made.

Or do they?  Is it really as it appears to us on the "outside"?
Well, let's get our little perfect magnifying glass out and take a closer look.

Do you ever remember looking at things with a magnifying as a child and seeing all the cracks and scratches or dirt or even little moving things that we could not see with our eyes alone?!  

Well, let's see if that applies in any way to our perfect family we fondly envy and resent at the same time:

Weight has always been a struggle and has manifested itself in unhealthy habits-which of course are hidden behind closed doors so we aren't aware.

Although they are beautiful and handsome beings at all times, we don't see what they see when they look in the mirror.  We don't hear the messages that they hear that point out all their imperfections and flaws; we don't see their inner spirits which hate themselves under their stunning outward appearances.  We only see the confident facade.

And oh sure, they have almost every "toy" one could dream of and they live in a house that makes magazine covers but we don't see the looming bankruptcy over their heads.  We don't see that although they hate their jobs and are spread so thin, they are barely hanging on; that they are a prisoner in their own life - to their debt.

And that happy family.  Well, it is riddled with several skeletons in their family closets.  There are secrets some family members know about and others that are kept secret even years later.  These people have no one in which to confide in.  It has worked because it has been a family that learned the social etiquette of keeping it hidden.  Sometimes there is shame or embarrassment at wayward children or a failing marriage.

And the trials we don't see them experience are covered up with addictions of one sort or another.  Their lives are run by the desperate need to numb the pain, that it not catch up to them and overtake them.  That would prove fatal.  And it sometimes does- which shocks everyone when it happens because we didn't even know there was anything wrong.  Sometimes it is serious physical or mental health issues we don't know exists but which causes tremendous amount of heartache and pain both to the heart and body.

So before we compare ourselves to that "perfect family" and yearn to have all that they have, maybe we should take out our magnifying glass and take a better look.

We are not to use it to pass judgement but to realize maybe what we have is perfect after all.

 There are no perfect men in this world, only perfect intentions.  ~Pen Densham, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves


  

My Latest "Fix-Up" Before And After

http://aureliastreasures.blogspot.com/2013/03/emerald-city-tall-and-skinny-3-tier.htmlemerald

Between The Rocks In Our Lives

We all have rocks in our lives.
Whether we want them there or not.

Everyone of us has rocks somewhere.
If you hear someone claiming they have cleared all the problems  rocks out of their lives forever...get suspicious.
(That could just mean they threw them in their neighbors yard.)

That is because there will always be some boulders in life that are permanent and are too big to remove.
Those may come in the form of health issues, our childhoods or our pasts, loss of loved ones, or other such painful experiences.
And sometimes smaller rocks just "show up".
So what do we do with all of them?

Perhaps with all the rocks, trials and adversity that are a given in the gardens of our lives,  we can plant faith and hope flowers.
We can find and enhance the beauty, the blessings, in spite of our rocky experiences.

When I was in Seattle I found these sweet little flowers growing amidst the rough, hard surfaces surrounding them.

It didn't seem to matter to these fragile plants that they did not have the perfect "environment" that you see in the Cottage Garden magazine.  
They were going to bloom and grow in spite of the limited choices they had.
And in so doing, their surrounding was beautified by their presence.  

 When our life is looking like it is hard to bear, may we get on our knees and dig deep within, creating beauty where we believed there was no place left for any.



"How fair is a garden amid the trials and passions of existence."  ~Benjamin Disraeli