Mac's-A-Million

Mac is a man we unexpectedly met while waiting outside for a table at a quaint little restaurant.
After "signing in" he easily conversed with us, telling us that he was a regular, and that since his wife of 54 years had died a year ago, he stayed away from home escaping the void he felt walking into an empty home, by coming to the restaurant.

As we were called in at the same time he was, and escorted to our table (while he was directed to his against the wall), it only seemed fitting to invite him to join us.

What a wonderful decision that was!
It was evident he was lonely which he admitted.
He spoke with few pauses between his words, which he also acknowledged as he continued sharing. 

In the beginning, it could have very easily been second-guessed by us as to whether or not the invite had been such a good idea, because in doing so we had given up "our time" together. But to see the joy in his eyes and feel the life in his words, gave no doubt it was not a chance opportunity nor a mistake.

It was apparent that the reason he was hurting so much was because he loved so much. As he spoke, the passion and deep love he had for his wife was palpable. With all the negativity in this world, it was refreshing to hear something not seen or heard very often anymore.

Mac was full of humor and history and stories that taught wisdom, business knowledge, enduring hardships, and what true love meant to him. 

Mac was without a doubt, one in a million! 

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. ~James C. Dobson

The S.A.M. Story Part XII

PART XII

She knew that if she ever wanted to fall asleep it would have to be "with the angels" because they were the only ones who could hold and heal her aching heart.  It was her S.A.M. that had been shared from the beginning yet it had it's obstacles.  Marriage.  Big enough to alarm, to frighten someone to the point of abandonment.  Him...being that someone.

She wanted a guarantee, a promise.  She yearned for, but additionally needed someone who was willing to commit, for the long hall, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for eternity, and not just 'till death do you part'.  And because of the obligation tied to her request, she knew it was a possibility she could lose him altogether and once again, be alone and lost in "space". 

As he tried to contemplate about what had just happened, his thoughts alternated between his current lifestyle and the possibility of an immensely different future with her in it.  It was too much for him to comprehend and internally embrace at the time as he was spent in every form of the word, having worked at his job almost a month with no time off.  Without awareness, a deep sleep washed over him.

The night was quickly passing as she laid awake watching the morning light start to push the moon away. Unlike the first meeting, she now consciously knew she might not ever see him again but desired for nothing more.  She ached for reprieve to the pain in her chest, her soul, causing her to once again make her way to his room.

As he lay there sleeping, she quietly walked closer as to not wake him...standing there for a long while taking all of him in.  His face, every part of his body, his passion and love; she absorbed it all.  She was creating a permanent memory of an experience that she would duplicate in her mind until it was either revisited by him or her memory failed her; as he had taken her places, no visa had a stamp for.

The S.A.M. Story Part XI

PART XI 

The words on his screen read, "wanna guess what I'm not wearing?..."  He chuckled, shaking his head and then immediately wanted to bound down the hall to her/his room, but instead sent back...."A hat".  If only he knew how reckless and playfully romantic this made her.  She laughed so loud he heard her down the hall as she responded through the technological means they had used for their main communication the last six months, texting, "THAT is also right....".  He couldn't help but smile.  He loved playing with her as much as she with him!

He typed in "socks", but again was only partially right.  As he was typing in, "OK...you are not wearing..." as his next "guess", he heard a tap on the partially opened door...or did he?  It came again, this time combined with his name....."Hey....does this person accept midnight visitors?" she whispered.  True to his poised, charismatic self, he nonchalantly replied, "Of course this person does."

She pushed the door open and he could see her silhouette from the illuminating moon coming through the window behind her.  She felt her way around his bed hearing his breathing getting stronger as she got closer.  He patted the bed with his hand and she sat down beside him.  Not exactly sure what to expect and not wanting to lose the moment, he waited for her to make the next move-to set the tone.

She spoke no words but laid her body down on the blankets beside him, which tightened them around him making him feel like he was in a sleeping bag.  With her back pressed up against him, he automatically pulled his arms out and put them around her.  Although they were physically close and touching, their thoughts were in two separate worlds although neither realized how congruous they were.

The question came again but this time it was from her lips, with passion and emotion, "Wanna guess what I'm not wearing?"  There was something different in the way she asked it.  The whit and humor she so loved about him suddenly disappeared as he lay there quietly still-surprising even himself- not sure  where this was going.  His mind internally juggled the plethora of thoughts and emotions of five people in one.  He knew what he wanted it to be.  "Want some help?" she finally asked.  "Please," was all he could respond.

She wiggled her arm free and held up her hand and said, "A ring.  I am not wearing a ring."  It was not even something he would have guessed had he had one hundred chances.  Nor the direction he was hoping for it to take.  Yet it should not have been an epiphany.  It was a "cyber" conversation they had had numerous times as she had shared early on as one of her S.A.M.'s.  She wanted and needed marriage again.  He just hadn't expected it to come now.  He had been so enthralled with the adventure of how the whole day played out that it had escaped him.  Maybe subconsciously he hoped if he "forgot" about it, if he denied what he knew, that the end result wouldn't be so.  Did he really think that boyhood diversion could still work?   

She then reached back and patted him, much in the same way he had done to her on the bike.  At that moment turning over towards him she put her arms around his neck and gave him a warm, long, tender kiss.  Then she quietly got up-releasing the confining blankets- and walked back towards her room- pausing at the door with the moonlight reflecting behind her.  Pressing her fingertips of her empty hand to her mouth, using the universal hand gesture, she then gently blew the sentiment his way.

"Sleep with the angels", echoed through the room.

Dear God, Can You Please Send Me A Johnny Lingo?

                                                                                                        "Everyone has beauty but not everyone sees it."

What a Johnny Lingo is NOT:

A Johnny Lingo is not a mixed drink although there might be one I don't know about.
(It'd be a HUGE hit with women!)

A Johnny Lingo is not some sexy lingerie from Victoria's Secret.  (I always thought it was Victoria Secrets- Like Ryan Seacrest's mom or something.)

Nor is a Johnny Lingo an upscale outhouse with a sound system.


What he IS:

Johnny Lingo is a Polynesian man who saw in a woman what no one else did.
He wanted her to become his wife.
So he payed 8 cows for that right. 
An unprecedented amount, especially considering she was a homely girl.
Good wives sold for 4-5 cows tops.
The price of 8 cows was more than had ever been paid for a wife.

Because of his actions Johnny became the joke of the island.
Although he had a reputation for making a deal,
He became mockingly known as 'the foolish man' regarding that transaction.

Five months later when a tourist came to the islands and heard about what Johnny had done, she wanted to meet him.
She traveled to another island where they had moved to and found a beautiful woman as his wife.

When she questioned how this could be, he explained that a woman would not feel good about herself if she knew her husband had paid a low dowry for her.
But he said, "Imagine what happens to her when she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands?"
"It will show!" 

Johnny proved to his wife that her true worth had nothing to do with what others saw, but only what she truly was.

"Human love is dependent upon the value of the object.  The  Love of God is not dependent upon the value of the object, rather it creates value in its object."~Johnny Lingo movie

Johnny Lingo is the kind of guy I'm hoping shows up at my farmers market with his cows in tow.
All 8 of them! 

"Do I love you because you're beautiful,

Or are you beautiful because I love you?"~Richard Rodgers & Oscar Hammerstein II

SERIES - #1 I Didn't Expect: To Be Divorced

I have dragged my feet and my mouse on starting the 'I Didn't Expect to' series.  I am still 'a work in progress'  having a hard time letting go of my black and white, all-or-nothing thinking.   As a result of that thinking I wanted to capture everything that is pertinent to each topic before posting it.  I now know that is impossible.  I realize that all of my posts have part of at least one, of my 'unexpecteds' in them somewhere.  Because of that there may be repeated lessons.  Not so unlike life huh?  I am sure as long as I blog that is how it will be.   So I will write the series the best I can from where I am at right now.   I know you are probably saying, "Alright already.  Just start!"  Well here it goes! 

"Divorce: The past tense of marriage."~Author Unknown

 

#1.   I Didn't Expect To Be Divorced 


As I stood at the counter and waited numbingly, all I could hear was the sound of the stamp being brought down hard, paper after paper.
I was in the court house filing for divorce.
I hated the sound of that stamp.
I wanted it to stop.
It sounded like the cell doors in a prison being slammed shut.
Door after door after door.
Oh, how I wanted it to stop!
And right then I knew that there was some symbolism to what I was hearing and feeling.
I was about to start my life sentence.

I felt a devastating heart ache overcome me.
I had now become a statistic.
I was now going to be divorced.

How did this happen? 

I never expected to get divorced.
Who does?
Although some plan for it, most of us do not get married just to get divorced.


I was not prepared for what was to come my way.
I had no idea of the pain and the fear and the frustration and the emptiness that would follow.

I did not want to divorce.
I did not want to secede.
But I had run out of options.


Denial was not a vacation spot for me, it had become my home.
My home of many years.
But I could no longer stay there.
I could no longer pretend.
The pain of not looking at what was and staying married had become greater than the pain of looking and getting a divorce.
I would have to be willing to let go of what I knew and step into the unknown.
So I roboted forward going through the procedures needed to make it final.

You can not be prepared for divorce anymore than you can for death or for having a baby.
Sure millions of people have done it before but no one has your unique situation, therefore no one can tell you exactly how it will be for you.
You can never brace yourself for what lies ahead.

Sometimes I was absolutely sure that I was crazy.
One minute I would be watching a movie,
wishing he was there beside me,
and five minutes later, had he been walking behind my car,
I would have wanted to put it in reverse and push the gas.
How insane is that?

The emotions went up and down like a skateboarder on a half-pipe.
And then sometimes when I thought I was starting to get my footing,  just like a skater, I would crash.
Again!
What was happening to me?
Is this what divorce was like?


Finalizing was a slow process for me.
Not because of contesting or litigation but because I kept hoping my knight in shining armor would come to my rescue. 
That is how it is in my favorite movies.
So I postponed, waiting.
But he never showed up.
He never stopped it.
He never protested.
He never came to save me.
What happened to the, 'And they lived happily ever after?'

My Visa had finally expired.
I got kicked off of Denial and was forced to come home.
Back to the U.S.
Back to the court house again.
This time to hear the words, "Your divorce is final."

My life felt final.
I hated the nights, going to bed alone.
But I hated the mornings even more.
I hated waking up to the truth that it was not just a bad dream.
It was my life.
My life I had not signed up for.
It was happening without my permission and I had no choice but to go along.
Getting dragged along.

I hated that I had no control.
I would hear a song, smell his cologne, see a car similar to his, hear his name, taste his favorite food and I would bawl.
I could not stop the tears no matter how hard I tried.
No matter where I was.
No matter who was around.


Although I still did my motherly duties to the least of my ability,
I often spent most of the day in bed.
Surviving.
From day to day.

My poor children.
I do not know all the effects that time of my oblivion had on them.
I was not a mother, I was a hollow shell functioning as a zombie.
It was all I could do at the time.


I could not even say the 'D' word.
I could not write it in my journal.
I would go around my house practicing, "I am not married."  " I am single."  " I do not have a husband."
I was afraid I would fall apart if anyone were to ask my marital status so I practiced.
And I fell apart anyway.

I felt like I should be saying,"I am a failure."
Because that is how I saw myself.

I cried so hard and so much.
At the bank, over the phone with the utility company, at my children's school- anywhere I had to make changes because of the 'D', I cried.

The touching, sad thing is that so many people understood.
Because they had been there themselves or knew of someone who had.
They were so patient with my blubbering self. 

The divorce brought new awareness's to me.
Things I either had never wanted to see before or was not aware of.
With this new awareness came suitcases full of my past.
There seemed to be baggage show up on my doorstep daily.
It was as if a new roommate was moving in every single day.
For months.
People who were not welcome.
Memories I had sent away but that had returned.
I was running out of room, both in my heart and in my head for all the visitors.
The desperation for reprieve from the overwhelming weight of it all caused me to search for answers that would free me.
Thus another unexpected in my life.(#18)

I was asked, "Is it a good thing or a bad thing?"
I replied, "It is a sad thing but a healthy thing."
It felt as if part of me was dying, and it was.
It was the part that had kept me from growing.
It needed to die.
Only I did not know it.
I did not want it.
I did not want to grow right then.
I wanted to die too.
So many unexpecteds. (#10)

I believe I survived because of prayer and a loving Father.
Others prayed for me when there was nothing left within me to plea.
Not even silently.
Thank God for loving, compassionate friends and family.
Unexpected friends and loved ones.(#13)


It was during this time that I learned of a love greater than any other.
It was a time that would forever change my life.
It was a testimony I could not have gained any other way.

It was the beginning of climbing, crawling, dragging myself out of the darkest abyss I had ever been in.
It was the beginning of allowing others to help me.
Something I was not so good at.
It was the beginning of change.
Healthy, much needed change.
Unexpected change.(#16)


It was the beginning of the most unexpected life I had had thus far.
It was the beginning of really living.
It was the beginning of me....
Someone I had never expected to meet.(#20)

"If every husband and every wife would constantly do whatever might be possible to ensure the comfort and happiness of his or her companion, there would be very little, if any divorce.  Argument would never be heard.  Accusations would never be leveled.  Angry explosions would not occur.  Rather, love and concern would replace abuse and meanness."~Gordon B. Hinckley

 

   

The Gentle Touch

I saw something today that brought tears to my heart and they seeped out my eyes.

I'm not sure why it affected me so much.

Every week I see men touch their wives in loving ways while I'm at church.

Maybe it was because it was so subtle and so simple.

So unexpected. 

This is my interpretation.

A husband reached over and gently ran his fingers on his wife's elbow and then wiggled his hand under where her elbow had been resting on the back of the pew.  She didn't seem to notice it at first, being distracted by her son with special needs, but then she picked up her elbow as if maybe she was smashing his hand.

With no words, he looked at her with only his eyes and that gentle touch again.  It seemed that he was saying 'he meant to do that'.  He was providing cushion for her unprotected elbow. 

Oh, the loving interaction that happened in that moment!


Maybe that's what it was for me.

That look.  

That gentle touch.


It didn't seem like a sensual look or touch that said, 'I can't wait till we get time alone', it was more like a look of deeply felt love.  A look that said they'd been through some heartbreaking as well as Kodak moments together.  A look that said, 'I'm so blessed that you're my wife.'

Maybe that's why I was so moved by it.

Because someday I'd like to experience that.

As I write this I am again emotional and all the words are looking italicized.

"True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of ones companion."~Gordon B. Hinkley~