I announced to my little friend that she had 15 more minutes to play before we would be leaving her friends' house; hoping, by giving forewarning to avoid ruining her happy life again.
She stopped what she was doing and said, "Fifteen minutes? That's enough to save me money on car insurance."
I love my job! :-)
February 20, 2014
February 15, 2014
I'm Sorry I Broke Your Heart
'I'm sorry I broke your heart'.
I looked up and this is what she had.
I was getting money orders and she had accidentally torn my Super Sticky Post-it in half while trying to return it to me.
I replied, "Don't worry, I've had a broken heart many times before."
We both laughed at the irony of it as we knew we had both personally experienced our share of real heartache.
"But," I reassured her, "that wasn't bad at all. It is the most painless broken heart I've ever had!"
We exchanged 'Happy Valentine's' wishes as I departed; with a smile on our faces.
And although I was alone on a day celebrated by sweethearts, I was happy.
And for the first time on Valentine's Day, it felt good to have a broken heart!
"If you haven't had at least a slight poetic crack in the heart, you have been cheated by nature." ~Phyllis Battelle
February 9, 2014
If You Tug At My Heart Strings
If you tug at my heart strings, all the feelings that have been inserted fall out.
I know because my heart strings got tugged on and all the emotions that had been stored within fell out onto a pile.
A pile that resembled a large entangled assortment of small toys scooped out from under a child's bed mixed in with dirty laundry.
It was neither a pleasant nor discernible sight.
Yet there it was at my feet; on the floor in front of me.
I wanted to just walk away (or run) but that's pretty hard to do when part of your vital organ (my heart) is dislodged from within.
Stunned and overwhelmed, I wondered, where do I start?!
I sat down beside it, staring, exasperated at the feat that lay ahead.
Something I hoped someone else could clean up, and yet internally, I knew would not be possible.
For only I would know where each piece belonged that I would be individually extricating from the heap.
Only I would know the where or why each piece originated.
What each piece represented.
Only I could understand and experience the feelings affiliated with each piece.
Only I could close up and tie my heart back together.
And in turn, restore it to a functioning state again.
So I sat there alone, as tears rolled down my face and said:
This one, goes in the pile for my youngest son who graduated and moved away.
This one, in the broken-hearted pile of lost love.
This one, will go into the loneliness pile.
And this one, in the lost dreams pile.
This one... in the pile with the loss of a job and throw in loss of esteem while you're at it.
This one, for truth-that-hurts pile.
This one, for selfish doings by others not understood.
This one, for children's aching hearts that even a mother can not mend.
And this one, for feelings of confusion and exhaustion from life's trials.
Do you understand now why it's best not to tug on my heart strings?
Because you can not really separate the immense love that compiles that same heart from the pains it contains.
The love is the house, much like the oyster is for the pearl, which is what transforms pain into appreciation.
Appreciation for having the desire and ability to take a chance at caring and loving.
Over and over again, knowing the risk you are taking.
It is the shell that encompasses life's greatest blessings and life's sorrows.
...That, of experiencing love, no matter how short, which means sorrow will come at its loss.
But something unexpected happened.
As I started sorting through each piece, the memory of a heart filled with love accompanied each loss.
And I was reminded of sweet, often happy, special memories, one by one which had built up to the loss as I picked up each piece and examined it.
I became less aware of the pain as peace started to slowly settle in and comfort me.
And I now sensed and felt that I was no longer sitting there alone going through this.
I knew that the love I had for God, and the love that He had instilled in me and had for me, had made the yearning I so deeply have in my heart possible; because as a mere human I would be too callused after repeated losses.
I knew that He had made the challenge to love, alive.
That no matter how many times I have been disappointed and hurt, I still had hope.
I still want and believe in "happily ever after".
And I knew that it had helped me desire good and continue to search for heartwarming joy in my life.
And in that enlightened knowledge I understood as I sat there, at a deeper level, that heart strings are for all that life offers, both tender, beautiful moments as well as heart wrenching ones that get stored together.
And that that all encompassing emotion called love, made it worth every tug I felt.
I know because my heart strings got tugged on and all the emotions that had been stored within fell out onto a pile.
A pile that resembled a large entangled assortment of small toys scooped out from under a child's bed mixed in with dirty laundry.
It was neither a pleasant nor discernible sight.
Yet there it was at my feet; on the floor in front of me.
I wanted to just walk away (or run) but that's pretty hard to do when part of your vital organ (my heart) is dislodged from within.
Stunned and overwhelmed, I wondered, where do I start?!
I sat down beside it, staring, exasperated at the feat that lay ahead.
Something I hoped someone else could clean up, and yet internally, I knew would not be possible.
For only I would know where each piece belonged that I would be individually extricating from the heap.
Only I would know the where or why each piece originated.
What each piece represented.
Only I could understand and experience the feelings affiliated with each piece.
Only I could close up and tie my heart back together.
And in turn, restore it to a functioning state again.
So I sat there alone, as tears rolled down my face and said:
This one, goes in the pile for my youngest son who graduated and moved away.
This one, in the broken-hearted pile of lost love.
This one, will go into the loneliness pile.
And this one, in the lost dreams pile.
This one... in the pile with the loss of a job and throw in loss of esteem while you're at it.
This one, for truth-that-hurts pile.
This one, for selfish doings by others not understood.
This one, for children's aching hearts that even a mother can not mend.
And this one, for feelings of confusion and exhaustion from life's trials.
Do you understand now why it's best not to tug on my heart strings?
Because you can not really separate the immense love that compiles that same heart from the pains it contains.
The love is the house, much like the oyster is for the pearl, which is what transforms pain into appreciation.
Appreciation for having the desire and ability to take a chance at caring and loving.
Over and over again, knowing the risk you are taking.
It is the shell that encompasses life's greatest blessings and life's sorrows.
...That, of experiencing love, no matter how short, which means sorrow will come at its loss.
But something unexpected happened.
As I started sorting through each piece, the memory of a heart filled with love accompanied each loss.
And I was reminded of sweet, often happy, special memories, one by one which had built up to the loss as I picked up each piece and examined it.
I became less aware of the pain as peace started to slowly settle in and comfort me.
And I now sensed and felt that I was no longer sitting there alone going through this.
I knew that the love I had for God, and the love that He had instilled in me and had for me, had made the yearning I so deeply have in my heart possible; because as a mere human I would be too callused after repeated losses.
I knew that He had made the challenge to love, alive.
That no matter how many times I have been disappointed and hurt, I still had hope.
I still want and believe in "happily ever after".
And I knew that it had helped me desire good and continue to search for heartwarming joy in my life.
And in that enlightened knowledge I understood as I sat there, at a deeper level, that heart strings are for all that life offers, both tender, beautiful moments as well as heart wrenching ones that get stored together.
And that that all encompassing emotion called love, made it worth every tug I felt.
When
you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in
truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Kahlil
Gibran
February 8, 2014
Who Knew You Could Have Both?!
Two of my most favorite things of all and in one place!!!!
And it's even affordable!
I Am SO There!!!
January 29, 2014
Happy Anniversay
It's my blogs 4th year anniversary!
Happy anniversary to something that 4 years ago felt impossible!
That just goes to show that we CAN do hard things!
Thank you to All who visit & read me!!!
Happy anniversary to something that 4 years ago felt impossible!
That just goes to show that we CAN do hard things!
Thank you to All who visit & read me!!!
January 12, 2014
The Cybership: Acceptable Insanity (SHORT STORY)
I decided to try my hand at a short story.
As the hands of the clock approached midnight, unlike the classic fairy tale, the night was just beginning. At the click of a modern-day mouse, the magic would commence-with one letter at a time; transforming ordinary words into extraordinary descriptions of a secret life just waiting to be expressed.
The fact that she was computer illiterate (a Luddite at that), had little effect and was not a deterrent to keep her from typing and texting out the life she had longed for but had only experienced vicariously; mostly through movies made to melt a woman's heart but bore a man while making him squirm.
She spent hours configuring- if only- in words. Painting pictures between lines, of vivid moments depicting what love looks like in an "us bubble"; too ideal to be true, yet too true to the heart not to be pursued.
She was able to formulate thoughts, dreams, and ideas, anywhere and anytime; often making it difficult to concentrate on her work at hand. Sometimes even blurring reality with her fantastical images and thoughts surrounding her new project-that of creating something which before seemed improbable. That of a cyber-ship. A relationship formed and bonded in space. The space of time and verbiage.....something she had honed to an art.
As the interactions became frequent and consistent, so did the anticipation of advancing to the next level. The physically, non-physical level, accepted under the circumstance yet still desirable. A level mixed with skepticism, uncertainty, and vulnerability. A level probable to cause concern for one's sanity if ever exposed. Yet she continued to wait for the change, the sign, that it wasn't insane at all, but possible and even inevitable. And during an exchange of promise, it happened without notice.
Hard drives and hardware could not keep her from feeling the warmth of his kiss as he moistened her mouth with his, causing her emotions to drown any sensibilities--that what she was experiencing was impossible. Because for her, every vital sign in her body testified otherwise.
So what'd you think?
As the hands of the clock approached midnight, unlike the classic fairy tale, the night was just beginning. At the click of a modern-day mouse, the magic would commence-with one letter at a time; transforming ordinary words into extraordinary descriptions of a secret life just waiting to be expressed.
The fact that she was computer illiterate (a Luddite at that), had little effect and was not a deterrent to keep her from typing and texting out the life she had longed for but had only experienced vicariously; mostly through movies made to melt a woman's heart but bore a man while making him squirm.
She spent hours configuring- if only- in words. Painting pictures between lines, of vivid moments depicting what love looks like in an "us bubble"; too ideal to be true, yet too true to the heart not to be pursued.
She was able to formulate thoughts, dreams, and ideas, anywhere and anytime; often making it difficult to concentrate on her work at hand. Sometimes even blurring reality with her fantastical images and thoughts surrounding her new project-that of creating something which before seemed improbable. That of a cyber-ship. A relationship formed and bonded in space. The space of time and verbiage.....something she had honed to an art.
As the interactions became frequent and consistent, so did the anticipation of advancing to the next level. The physically, non-physical level, accepted under the circumstance yet still desirable. A level mixed with skepticism, uncertainty, and vulnerability. A level probable to cause concern for one's sanity if ever exposed. Yet she continued to wait for the change, the sign, that it wasn't insane at all, but possible and even inevitable. And during an exchange of promise, it happened without notice.
Hard drives and hardware could not keep her from feeling the warmth of his kiss as he moistened her mouth with his, causing her emotions to drown any sensibilities--that what she was experiencing was impossible. Because for her, every vital sign in her body testified otherwise.
So what'd you think?
January 2, 2014
The 70 Degree Snowball Fight
My little friend's brother brought home a truck load of snow from the mountain.
When I arrived at her house the next day I was surprised to find there was still some melting remains of dirty, hard packed, ice-like snow in the bed of the truck. (You can tell I have little experience with the cold stuff! I don't even know how to accurately describe it.)
Heck, it was 70 degrees out. I didn't really believe I would be able to follow through on my promise to have a snowball fight with her! I was just pacifying a child's wish with, "Sure we can".
It never occurred to her that it might be likewise. We were going to have a snowball fight!
And we did.
Oh, we had to get a stick to loosen up the frozen mixture, but we found enough "good stuff" to throw at each other.
(Even to get some down my shirt.)
She in the bed of the truck and me reaching in.
And you know what?
I had a blast!
A total blast!
I found myself laughing those deep belly laughs that don't come as easy to my not-so-seasoned-as-callused-self, compared to my young counterpart who is just a few days shy of being the old soul of 6 years.
And in that moment I was grateful that I was participating in and being reminded of how much fun play is.
Of how important it is.
And how much I have missed it in my life.
And needed it.
How much we all need that belly laugh to help us forget the serious things in life in exchange for the fun things once in awhile.
Oh, it didn't fix any of my challenges, but oh, how just for those few moments, I had something more important and immediate to do than worry.
I needed to enjoy life!
And for those heart beats and breaths that I will never get back, there was not a more efficient way to invest them than there.
The return on them was phenomenal!
And that I believe is partly what hearts are made for.
Joy....Pure Joy
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects." ~Arnold Glasow
“It is cheerful to God when you rejoice or laugh from the bottom of your heart.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.
When I arrived at her house the next day I was surprised to find there was still some melting remains of dirty, hard packed, ice-like snow in the bed of the truck. (You can tell I have little experience with the cold stuff! I don't even know how to accurately describe it.)
Heck, it was 70 degrees out. I didn't really believe I would be able to follow through on my promise to have a snowball fight with her! I was just pacifying a child's wish with, "Sure we can".
It never occurred to her that it might be likewise. We were going to have a snowball fight!
And we did.
Oh, we had to get a stick to loosen up the frozen mixture, but we found enough "good stuff" to throw at each other.
(Even to get some down my shirt.)
She in the bed of the truck and me reaching in.
And you know what?
I had a blast!
A total blast!
I found myself laughing those deep belly laughs that don't come as easy to my not-so-seasoned-as-callused-self, compared to my young counterpart who is just a few days shy of being the old soul of 6 years.
And in that moment I was grateful that I was participating in and being reminded of how much fun play is.
Of how important it is.
And how much I have missed it in my life.
And needed it.
How much we all need that belly laugh to help us forget the serious things in life in exchange for the fun things once in awhile.
Oh, it didn't fix any of my challenges, but oh, how just for those few moments, I had something more important and immediate to do than worry.
I needed to enjoy life!
And for those heart beats and breaths that I will never get back, there was not a more efficient way to invest them than there.
The return on them was phenomenal!
And that I believe is partly what hearts are made for.
Joy....Pure Joy
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects." ~Arnold Glasow
“It is cheerful to God when you rejoice or laugh from the bottom of your heart.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
